Why no just do it so i dont feel lile this anymore? Why do i keep putting up with myself For 14 years already? Fuvking christ that is way too long I want it to end i just want to embrace death and not feel anything anymore

Who will realistically care? Like yeah. When i heard about my principal and his son dying in an accident it really hurt for a while Now i just think about it like "wow i wish they were still here they didnt deserve that" every once in a while. Same with the grandmother i actually liked. It hurt so much but now it is just a sad thing i think about sometimes It would just be like that to everyone else. It really would no one can prove me otherwise

Yeah sure. There will be that bad sting but everyone will just brush it off with "she's in a better place now." Or some dumb bs like that

I know my mentality is that oh it is so bad when someone else does something like that to themselves but with me it doesnt matter I think of it from an outsider perspective when it comes to me What person at school would miss me? Tell me please who would??

They all talk about me behind my back anyway. The ones i actually like- They'll get over it soon they have others to comfort them My family? They wont have to worry about me taking my meds or taking me to my therapy appointments. They wont have to worry about having a bad daughter which my mom already states i am

And like- If it is others it is because i know i care more deeply than a lot of people which is definitely a bad thing i dont care what you say And i know i couldnt handle something happening to someone i love

But with others it is like "oh. I feel things at a much greater scale they wont feel as bad as i would"