alright, time for the post i know i'm gonna regret but i'm ignoring for now because this feels more important to me and honestly there's no easy way out of this without someone getting hurt. let's get this straight: this post is not intended to hurt anyone. i'm dropping the 90 cents ive collected over this time. i'm going to yet again tell tim and those with similar opinions as her about the shit they've said. and i hope maybe someone will listen for a change. my intention has never been to hurt people in this situation; know my actions and words don't come from a place of malice, but rather from a place of frustration. i'm not here to bully tim, or anyone, regardless of their views. i'm just here trying to get across why what tim is doing and saying is harmful. i recognize how along the way i've made bad, impulsive decisions out of anger or just not thinking, and i apologize for those.

despite my intentions, i know i've done and said things that have hurt people. most likely no matter what i do, that's still going to happen. i apologize for whatever harm my words might have caused, whether they were something i said without thinking or something i didn't get across clearly, causing me to be misunderstood. i'm responsible for the things i do and say, so i take full responsibility for anything i've done and the reactions it may have caused, even if it was just a joke that was taken the wrong way. i made stupid decisions and i'm holding myself accountable for them.

i understand if you're still angry at me for anything i've said. i know it doesn't show, but i am trying to control myself better. with this situation specifically and these people specifically it's just very. hard. but that's not an excuse, i know, and i won't try to justify anything i've done. again, i'm sorry for anything i might've done.

more specifically, i want to especially apologize for the vagueposting and march 19th. they were moments where i was upset, unable to see the better options, leading me to the easiest one. and that's not okay, and i apologize. what i did and what i might have said about tim on the 19th is not justifiable. about the "ruthlessly bullying" claim, though; i really, truly don't think i said that. i have no memory of it and i just don't think it'd be something i would do. of course, if i did say it, it was most likely a joke made in poor taste that was misunderstood, or something idiotic i said when i just wasnt thinking about how harmful it could've been. but, again, that doesn't forgive the action, and if i haven't said it already, i apologize.

i can't just apologize and ignore the things smilingnyan (and now boardwalk, as she's decided to include herself in the situation) have done. my actions were at the very least influenced by what they've done, and while i obviously don't expect them to take the blame for my actions, that's all on me. they are responsible for their own behaviors and how they made others feel. a little bit of theo lore to make this post longer and more annoying to read:

for most of my life, i've been bullied, or at least the social outcast. it was never horrible, most of the time (especially in my earlier years) it just boiled down to people being assholes just to be assholes. it didn't change how it was still clear, how they still made it clear, that i wasn't liked or welcome. and i kind of internalized that. i was different from every other kid, i never knew why, and because of that i struggled (and still do struggle with) self worth and my identity (including my gender identity in recent years). it was, and is, very hard for me to be happy with myself.

realizing i was nonbinary was a step in the right direction, and it made me a lot happier. even though it was better than identifying as my agab, for a long while now i've felt like something was missing, but was too scared to explore it out of fear it would end up being something that would get me shunned and bullied even more. so i didn't. i ignored it, i pushed it down, i pretended (and even thought for a while) that it was normal and that everyone experienced a metaphorical hole in their gender identity that just couldn't be filled.

it was tim's post that made me realize i was xenic. and yes, i also think that's ****ing hilarious. but i kind of realized, wait, ****, this post hits a lot harder than it should. and i kind of accidentally realized that i was happier identifying as catgender alongside being nonbinary. that also came with the realization that i didn't have to conform to people just to make them happy, because i wasn't happy doing that, and it wasn't healthy. and, im gonna be bullied anyways no matter what i do because i'm just that annoying, so why not be a little happier while doing it? i deserve a little self love. as a treat

captcha's shown up let's go

as soon as i embraced the fact i was catgender and started using nyaself pronouns (which i still don't take entirely seriously, by the way, but like in a good way) i started embracing parts of my personality and identity that i'd hidden under a funny joke because i was scared of being seen as "cringe" or whatever for acting that way. in doing so, i realized how unhappy i had been before. i've still got a ways to go, obviously, but being catgender helped at least part of it. and i'm proud of myself for being able to overcome at least part of it and be happier with who i am, because i couldn't have done that before.

so it's really frustrating to have literally my first experience being xenic be a post about how me being happy with my identity makes me mentally ill and how i should be misgendered. tim, i said it before and i'm gonna say it again, and i know you're probably ****ing tired of hearing it, but until you actually listen i'm gonna keep saying this. your post is flawed, hypocritical, and from what i can tell is entirely based on bias and hate and misunderstanding and misinformation. and i'm gonna break down as much as i can because i don't know what other way to get across to you that what you have said and done is not okay and is, infact, harmful and toxic as ****.

"Transphobia is alive and well on the internet. I have seen it with my own two eyes. Sometimes it takes the form of slurs and misgendering. Sometimes it takes the form of bunself pronouns." first comment in and we already run into a massive problem. one is the claim that bunself pronouns (and by extension neopronouns in general, pretty sure that was the intent) are transphobic with absolutely no backing and no clear reasoning. please explain to me, how the **** a set of pronouns compares to the slurs and misgendering you mentioned literally a line above. please explain to me, cis person who has not experienced transphobia, how a set of pronouns instills the same self-hatred and self-doubt in trans people as the previously mentioned slurs and misgendering.

and also, if misgendering is transphobic, as you state here, why is it not transphobic for you to literally scream "DON'T LET THESE CHILDREN EXPLORING THEIR IDENTITY LET YOU CALL THEM THEIR PREFERRED PRONOUNS, REVOLT AGAINST THE,, oppressors???? DON'T BE A DECENT PERSON AND GIVE THEM THE BASIC HUMAN RIGHT OF HAVING THEIR IDENTITY RESPECTED" like mm. are we not trans or something? does that make this ok? cause im pretty sure we are trans. i mean feel free to correct me miss cis person who knows more about the trans community than every trans person ever but i'm pretty sure we're trans

"I even agree that there is such a thing as nonbinarism to some degree. But I won't go farther than that" that's called nonbinary skepticism and that's just enbyphobia under the guise of, "i'm not -phobic, but-", which seems to be a trend for you. just saying "You can't choose your gender." who said we are? you think i chose to have this post apply to me? you think we chose to be happiest identifying in a way that nobody else is willing to understand? that we get bullied and made fun of for pretty much everywhere? like i'm not catgender because it's fun and quirky, i'm catgender because it's how i feel and it's how i view my gender. if i didn't use the label, it wouldn't change my experiences with my gender.

"They know what's right and they stand by their beliefs." aren't you doing this too lol "You're toxic abusers. You will (and maybe have) abuse(d) any partners you have had in the past. You emotionally manipulate and gaslight everyone you come into contact with. And it's contagious. Being like you is a contagion on this site, and someone needs to stop it. That someone will be me. So get in loser, we're going sz kid hunting." yipes! alright this one's. mm. hey, tim, you can't just throw buzzwords at us and expect it to work out. you especially can't accuse us of being abusive and gaslighters just because we see our gender in a funky little way. no ****ing clue how those connect and it's never explained, again, because you just really hate giving anyone reasoning behind what you say i guess.

we're not abusive because we get on your ass for thinking we're stupid and bullying us for it, we're just mad at you. seriously absolutely ZERO clue how we're gaslighting.. someone? for being like, ****ing, wolfgender. are we gaslighting you? are we gaslighting everyone? are we gaslighting our partners that we apparently start abusing as soon as we start using neopronouns? this section makes me wonder if you even know what gaslighting is because i have NO CLUE what the **** you're talking about here and i don't think anyone else does either. seriously it just feels like you're going down a list of buzzwords. also you can ask my girlfriend of almost 3 years we're doing just fine so. still no clue what you're talking about..

also! side note! this part of your post triggered someone because they were in abusive relationships and were often called the abusive one. they mentioned this themselves in their response and i'm mentioning it here (and if they want to make it clear it was them, they can, but for rn i won't). you can't just say this kind of shit and this is why. i don't care what point you're trying to make, triggering people is not okay. i originally had more to say about this but one of my proofreaders said it was a bit too much so i changed it but just know i had more to say

"[just. all the ****ing namedropping]" ah yes, i do not like these people and the way they identify and even though i apparently hate cancelling people i am going to do something that's like, 3 steps away from it. this is okay and justifiable and ohh no someone else namedropped me!! i can't stand for this namedropping is bad and awful!!! (yes, i recognize that my namedropping her wasn't okay either; i'm not saying it is because she also namedropped people. but if it's not okay when i do it it's not okay when she does it.)

"The constant vagueposts make people paranoid to be around you. You're so aggressive, I was barely around you and I was terrified." this comment is really funny because i know for a fact this is how people feel about you. like i don't think anyone's gonna argue with me when i say you're intimidating and overly violent for absolutely no reason. i've been told by at least FIVE separate people that they're intimidated by you and therefore can't stand up for themselves because you're just that ****ing mean for no reason. and i'm one of those people, dammit. the only reason i'm saying anything is because apparently you don't know how to listen and you need to be told that what you're doing is bad to realize it. if that even works. i don't think i've ever seen you change your opinion on something

"All of you catgender fools want me dead in a ditch." sorry, what was that post you made about filling in the gaps in your ideologies and assuming things about you? yeaahhh uh no we don't want you dead and if anyone does i don't support them. they're the outliers. being mad at you for doing this shit to us doesn't mean we want to kill you it just means we're angry at you

"You know that only one of us has sanity on their side, and isn't going to break down into a mess the moment they get any push back. It's me. I have the high ground now, obi wan." actually you did kind of break down when you got push back, like i'm well aware that the backlash you got for this post has put you in a bad mental state. which i'm sorry for, and i don't think you deserved (but you did have it coming. (to me those mean different but similar things, idk if anyone else sees it that way, but no im not saying she deserved to feel this way)). also yes, determine my sanity based on my gender of all things and not on who i am as a person. also you got the star wars quote wrong, even i know that and i don't watch star wars lol

"you guys won't do anything. you'll stay in your echo chambers.." if we're not doing anything, what's all the backlash you got for this post? also guy you literally blocked people because they disagreed with you on this and i know at least one of your friends is scared to say anything about xenogenders because they know you'll abandon them, because you've done it before. if i'm in an echo chamber and don't realize it then ****, i need to get better at that, but don't act like you're all open-minded and shit. because you're not. "..i wont call you dey/dem." and where did you get the right to do that, miss cis? what if i made all my pronouns neopronouns. would you just not be able to perceive me or would you misgender me or would you, against all odds, respect my pronouns? i'm half joking here but i'm legitimately curious

"you people would never survive in the real world." this comment makes me ****ing FURIOUS because i know for a fact so many of the ****ing people, especially on here, have gone through absolute HELL in real life. i consider myself lucky compared to some of my friends and yet i'm still absolutely miserable in my situation! i still fear to come out as nonbinary even in a mostly accepting place! i can't imagine what some of the people on this very site are going through. you have NO right to call them weak just because of their gender identity. you have no clue what they're going through, especially because, hey, you're cis! you don't know the struggles of a trans person! you don't get to label anyone's experiences as minor or not serious, especially not trans people's experiences.

i didn't talk about absolutely everything because this post is absolutely exhausting but you get the point, there's problems. i don't even think i mentioned the ****ing ego this post just, leaks. all this post boils down to "i think this thing is stupid so it's mental illness!!!" with a few namedrops and buzzwords and just. bullying. it's unnecessarily violent and uncalled for and. why the **** do you even care? what makes you so upset about a ****ing gender identity that you feel obligated and even entitled to talk about it? you're obviously not trying to help us, that's for sure. all you do this entire post is tell us how we're insane and should be misgendered instead of telling us hey, maybe this identity isn't the best thing you could identify with, this is why. you're not convincing anyone to not ID with xenogenders, you're radicalizing them.

you're either raking in the anti-xenic people and creating more entitled assholes or you're getting people so mad that they're apparently going too far in their reaction to your post. first off, you don't get to label anyone in a way they're not comfortable with. you said it yourself: pan people can't label you as a bi person in a way you're not comfortable with, and that's valid and understandable. you said nonbinary/trans people can't label you as trans for being gnc, and that's valid and understandable. oh yeah but sure you can label xenic people however you like because you're the cis person that knows exactly what it's like to be trans and knows xenic people more than xenic people know themselves, and you have the god given right to talk about them and toss them to the dirt for zero reason because you're smarter than everyone else and everyone needs to know you're an absolute genius.

my gender shouldn't be your ****ing problem. if i've got mental illness? if i'm abusive and a gaslighter? that's my problem! the way i identify is my problem! you don't get to decide that you have to take it upon yourself to make it your problem and take it personally. and if it for some reason is your problem as a cis person that doesn't know me personally then you're horrible at dealing with problems. since when has screaming "MENTAL ILLNESS MENTAL ILLNESS MENTAL ILLNESS" been a good solution to anything?

you don't get to decide that i can't be happy with my gender. you don't get to decide that me exploring my identity makes me all of a sudden a horrible person. you don't get to decide how other people treat me and see me. that's not your choice to make and i have no ****ing clue what prophetic dream you got that idea from. and absolutely NOBODY gets to tell me how i should react to people telling me i'm mentally ill and insane and an abuser for identifying in a certain way, especially when those people don't know what it's like to be on the receiving end of that post.

boardwalk, you don't get to tell me i'm overreacting. i'll decide that for myself. i'm not telling tim she's overreacting for being upset over backlash, i'm not telling you you're overreacting for being upset at me, because you know what? you get to be mad! you get to be mad at people doing you wrong! you get to be mad when people disrespect you or people you care about! so don't tell all of us that we're not allowed to be ****ing pissed at tim when she pulled the tail of an entire ****ing community. no shit we're gonna bite and it's gonna hurt, and you know what it's going to be too much. because, reminder, we're an entire community of apparently mentally ill and insane kids! we're twisted ****ing cyclepaths my guy!! and we're tired of being made into the internet's punching bag!! of course we're gonna fight back when we actually have a good chance of being able to! i'm not gonna pity someone just because the consequences of their actions came back to get them.

i don't think tim deserves to be stressed about it, i wouldn't wish any sort of stress on anyone, but it's a wonder how she didn't prepare herself for backlash especially for something she recognizes as a controvertial topic in the same post. also, side note, thanks for the ****ing panic attack boardwalk! i wasn't asking you to take the post down because i didn't respect your opinion or i didn't want people to be able to know what you thought, i wanted you to take it down because it triggered trauma i thought i was done with. <3 love you bestie

godd this post is so LONG ALREADY who the **** gave me a conscience listen. i don't think anyone worth their salt is going to get on your ass for thinking xenogenders are stupid or that you don't understand them. this shit's confusing even for us!! or at least me!! and like i couldn't explain my gender in full if i was held at gunpoint, and i don't think anyone could. i don't expect you to be able to understand why we see our genders the way we do. it's when you take that misunderstanding and turn it into a hatred and a reason to bully us that the problem arises.

you're allowed to have opinions on us. we're not saying you can't think the things we do are dumb or something sometimes, because in all honesty i think a lot of the shit i do are dumb. we're getting on your ass because you use that as a reason to not support us. we're getting on your ass because you're encouraging people to misgender us and disrespect us and you're calling us insane, which isn't okay in general but it's especially not okay when you're a cis adult talking to trans, apparently mentally ill, children.

tim, i don't know how to get across to you any clearer that you are hurting people. you're hurting us, obviously, by stressing us out with the post and refusing to delete it and apologize. i know you're stressing your friends out because i know a lot of people who identify as xenic have mutual friends with you, and i know that because i have mutual friends with you. and they can't say anything because they don't want to upset you and have you lash out at them, but if they don't say anything they're hurting their xenic friends. and i doubt this isn't also wearing on you. who even benefits from this because it's not you

listen alright. all of us are just trying to be happy with our gender identity. we all (and, by this i mean everyone, not just xenic people) deserve to be happy with our identities, and we shouldn't be shunned just because we (xenic people) identify in a way that you don't understand. if you want to explain to me in a calm and civil why i actually am not happier being catgender and using nyaself pronouns and why i should be misgendered and why everything you said was actually ok and entirely justifiable, and why we're all toxic abusers who gaslight and are insane and grrr growl snarl, i will do my best to listen. i still might not agree, but i'll listen. because for the life of me i can't figure out what the **** you're talking about or mean and apparently you don't want people to fill in your blanks for you. so i'm giving you the chance (which you always had, by the way, and chose not to take) to fill in those blanks for yourself and explain yourself.

i'm not asking for much in all honesty. all i want is for the post to be gone and for just, an apology. doesn't even have to be a real apology at this point. you could lie right through your teeth for all i care i just want to be able to pretend like this can be over. but until that happens, this is going to remain a problem, because the post is still up and hurting people, you are still getting defensive about it, and i have absolutely no reason to just forget about it and ignore it when the problem is still present and isn't solved. i have absolutely no reason to forget about it when it still lives in the back of my mind on an almost constant, reminding me that i can't be happy and accepted at the same time.

your post has caused a lot of pain and stress. for me, for others, and for you. if you haven't gotten the message that you've done something wrong by now, i don't know what else would make that clear to you. you seriously had to make your profile a safe space for horrible people just so you could let your opinion slide. also if your profile is apparently a safespace for people who get cancelled it's a safespace for us too baby!! because of the post you made on us!! good job this post was so much longer than it needed to be what the **** will anyone even read this.

i don't want you to be cancelled or like, crucified, tim. and i don't agree with anyone who wants that for you. but i do think there are consequences for your actions and you can't just ignore it instead of addressing the problem to avoid being wrong. and even though this post was probably really violent and i just threw any hope of a civilized talk out the window i would still be willing to discuss this with you and understand why you feel you're justified in this. again, my intention is not to hurt you, but i don't know what i can say to get across how much damage you've done and are doing and at least to my knowledge, are refusing to admit.

great now how do i end this post off sorry if i make no sense in this post my proofreaders are all gay little shits who won't shut up about the star wars quote (especially you. you know who you are, proofreader. **** you)

I FORGOT THE ACTUAL ****ING POST TIM MADE who put me in charge of this post

no clue if i mentioned this in the post but please don't go after either of them, i'm not trying to cancel them or anything i just have no ****ing clue how to get across to them the scale of what they did also yes, boardwalk has said to my face that she agrees with what tim has said about xenogenders

i assumed so i just wanted 2 be safe and just. say it in general. just in case u kno

yeah of course!! feel free dude

yeah i get that, i don't blame you for keeping out of it, a lot of people are choosing not 2 take sides bc me and tim apparently just. have a lot of mutual friends??? or friends of friends?? but don't worry about it too much idk if itll help at all but i really hope eventually you're able to be happier with your gender again? you deserve it guy uhh words. i used all my brain on this post now im soup

my ****ing proofreaders made me make sense dude i didn't do any of that. i am incomprehensible. no clue what you're talking about

its ok flipanim user local-sock i understand

**** dude good luck figuring it out. shit's wacky

just to clarify i actually still identify as catgender, mostly out of spite honestly also i mean thanks for. thanking me but tbh this probably won't be a post im proud of depending on how they react