my thoughts.
8 comments
HeyGoogle[OP]
24.03.2024 23:15
LinkI’d like to start this post off by saying that I know what I did wrong and I’m getting therapy and the help I need. I do not condone any sort of harassment and, frankly, I couldn’t give a shit as to what people say or do about this. I will try and keep this as free from pity-partying and mocking as possible, so this might come out with multiple edits made compared to the original version I made on the google document I copy-pasted this from. This will be a “word-of-mouth” post, meaning this will just be me talking about what happened on my end.
This post is a generalized post, but my main subjects on this post are ofbeing7deadly and Ice-Wolf. I will reiterate that I do not condone harassment and I will cut ties with you or block you if you do send harassment. I will also reiterate that I don’t care whether you block me or not, as I am only making this post as a personal thing.
This post will be heavily summarized but I will make my points clear. Everybody mentioned will be referred to as their username.
HeyGoogle[OP]
24.03.2024 23:16
Linkofbeing7deadly.
I would consider being close with them before the situation. I remember meeting ofbeing7deadly in a public FlipAnim discord server and us clicking as friends alongside a few others (Ice-Wolf and stormtiger) (I have very poor memory from this specific point in 2021). I was happy, of course, to have some cool new friends! ofbeing7deadly made a server just for our group a bit later, and we would always have cool fun silly conversations in that server.
Around January 2022(?), I got a DM from ofbeing7deadly stating that they were uncomfortable with the jokes and behaviors I said and did. ofbeing7deadly would later mention that if I didn’t stop, I would be banned from the server and blocked. I remember freaking out greatly about this, and I think that’s what skyrocketed everything.
I remember this time between January 2022 and June 2022 being greatly anxiety-inducing for me. My mind goes blank between February 2022 and April 2022, other than me and Ice-Wolf dating in this time period.
HeyGoogle[OP]
24.03.2024 23:16
LinkAround April 2022, I was put in a group chat with ofbeing7deadly and their partner for them to both talk with me. I don’t have any memory of what was said, but I remember being terrified to the point that I started making suicide threats and I actually attempted that night. I was sent to a psych ward in Texas for two weeks after this.
I came back in early May 2022 right after my eighth grade school year ended. That hospital didn’t help much, except give me a well-needed “break” from all of the events happening. The summer of that year was very weird, especially with me adjusting to moving back in with my stepmom again. I remember overdosing on benadryl around this time after an argument I couldn’t even remember now.
HeyGoogle[OP]
24.03.2024 23:16
LinkI remember a specific memory where I was venting to stormtiger about not being able to trust anyone and having a tantrum over it (with the special “shaky typing” included because I was dramatic as shit) and stormtiger showing the screenshots to the others. I remember being confronted about it and freaking out about it. It felt like my trust was broken, in a sense, and I remember trying to make it about myself. I think it was this that sparked that discussion that landed me in my first hospital.
I also remember ofbeing7deadly acting as a “therapist” for me and trying to get in contact to “try to be friends” when they would back out each time due to the obvious reasons of me being too emotionally overwhelming.
HeyGoogle[OP]
24.03.2024 23:16
LinkThe biggest part of this section is their callout on me in June 2022. I remember it having very demonizing language and it being said that people should “stay safe around me.” I also remember ofbeing7deadly saying that I was suicide-baiting for attention. That was partially true; I made suicide threats and posts as an attempt to find a way to get help somehow. These posts being made would 75% of the time follow with a real attempt.
I think my biggest takeaway from this section is the fear I felt and also the hypocrisy from everything. I remember ofbeing7deadly being so pro-mental health until I showed signs of mental illness, if that’s a way to put it. I’ll admit to having a massive ego and that I did some really shitty stuff, but it never felt… right? In a sense. This is all I got on this part.
HeyGoogle[OP]
24.03.2024 23:17
LinkIce-Wolf.
This section might be much shorter due to me growing very emotionally tired just writing this entire doc.
I dated Ice-Wolf between March 2022(?) and September 2022 (I consider the breakup occurring right before the second psych ward because it makes more sense than the half assed one I did on Blake’s discord in January 2023 when I wasn’t allowed to use discord anymore.) A first split occurred after tensions between me and ofbeing7deadly happened, but Ice-Wolf would contact me on a burner account on discord around a month later behind ofbeing7deadly’s back. We dated behind ofbeing7deadly’s back and made sure the relationship was kept “secret.”
I often had negative posts made about me by Ice-Wolf while I dated them, which was incredibly jarring. Ice-Wolf and I sexted 💀. I’m not going into much detail about that except just that simple statement there.
The relationship was also very manipulative and toxic from both ends and I’m just… relieved that it got forcefully cut off.
HeyGoogle[OP]
24.03.2024 23:17
LinkA most recent “interaction” with Ice-Wolf is another attempt to interact with me on a burner account on FlipAnim under the name HIGHQUALITYTROLL.
https://paste.pics/QM5DO
I think a good conclusive one sentence statement is that this wasn’t a very good thing to happen at all. Nothing good came out of this, and making this massive post is bringing back a lot of self-induced fear I had for the longest time. I’m getting therapy and I have been doing my best to improve myself and my well-being in order to not allow anything like this to happen again.
And for the people mentioned, I hope they are all doing better in life and getting the future they need and the help they need.
HeyGoogle[OP]
24.03.2024 23:19
LinkThis is an insight of what I did. People can make and choose their opinions, but either way I'm probably dipping after this