My Mom and my sister hate me the only people i have left are my Grandparents because of stuff in the past

And i was talking about how my mom is acting crazy and my sister though to tell my mother and now they both hate me

I never should have woken up when i did

I can even show my teeth because it gives me back bad memories when my sister gave me a gap

And let alone feel like im happy but i think i realized that my family is mentally abusive

And thats why i can't be sad or mad for to long... i have adapted to this, being not happy isn't in my nature because i can't oet my back down near my family

Let*

And if you saw me at school u wouldn't think twice about me being sad because i hide it so well or i just have to be happy there to get a metaphorical injection of happiness i need to make it at home

And no matter how much i want to call child services and get help i simply cant

Because i would just let it go and do an rp when i wanted and i just tryed to forget

And if i had to go it was probably because i wanted to go watch YouTube to help me

I had to b break up with someone i loved because i didnt have enough emotional support to try and make her feel happy because i had problems to but i didn't tell her because if there was one thing that i was afraid of it was change and the fact that no one asked in real life if i had depression or was ever sad made me more depressed but i held it back because i didn't want anyone to get hurt but i hurt her mentally and i have made it to the point where i question myself if im normal and every day i answer myself with the answer "No"

And it echos throughout my mind as a cave with a halo inside belows with the slightest noise and every day i see my school counselor i ask myself "Should I tell her" and i just turn around and talk to my friends to make them feel better but inside i no that i have to tell someone that could can this but i cant because i am afraid that change will make me lose what i have worked hard on because i am to weak to make another life if their was change

Change*

No one can no how many times i have heard my mom call me Lazy and every time i can't crawl out in the morning i hit myself with the same words that my mom would insult me and walk out the bed and hoping that it was healthy but i new it wasn't

No matter how many times a person says "Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt me" like the person who raised you and looked up to you wont have any emotional attachment to you... Kids at my school call me cracker and a white girl i didn't really care but when my mom told me that i was lazy made me cut myself for the first time the second time was my last time because i was afraid my mom would figure out i would use a sharp piece of a color pencil to get the job done i always thought if i was depressed a shruged it off

and*

I hope one day that i won't have to deal with this family anymore once i turn 18 but 8 years seems like to much even for me and i wonder "Will i make it or will i give up and commit suicide or will someone kill me and end my life for me" if someone asked me if i would rather go to heaven and die or live on this earth forever i would say die... but i would say something before i go... i would say "It was never fun while i lived in fact it was terrible and i hope no one ever goes through what i have even thought it will"

I better go before i say anything else...

I will be back to my happy self soon anyways so there is no point in saying any of this i will probably regret it in the long run

Unless you can give me a better family than no