Not really

I don't know what to do or say to get anyone to genuinely interact with me past a hi No matter how I feel how desperate how scared how sad it's not like anyone cares? No matter how happy or calm I feel. No matter the emotions No matter the desperation Nothing is changing I'm typing now desperate desperate for a change I want more than to depend on people I'm scared of or people who could care less about me I want to believe that they genuinely care I want to have that faith in people again I want to see the light in others that I see in him I want SOME kind of solution but it feels like I've been set up this way? For what reason? If an unnatural force wants me to end it all then WHY make it so agonizingly long why do I keep holding onto hope that something is changing if I just wait of I just wait something something something someone please tell me what I can do I can't I can't let myself spiral down that path again

My shower didn't work fail fail fail

No matter how much pain I feel it's never enough for anyone I'm so drained from maintaining relationships that I stopped maintaining them all together Because I knew if it came down to it where I stopped messaging completely then they wouldn't notice There's only one connection I care about now He's the only one who matters Nothing and no one else is worth the effort If I just stick to this mindset I'll stop feeling so lonely And once he's gone too I won't have any meaningful connections I'll finally be able to do it with peace of mind I won't let anyone trick me into thinking it's not the way either I won't let anyone make me believe in false hope I'm never going to get better at this rate This is the only way

I'm so tired