im quirky (im actually just a retarded teen)

we're writing about what if we had limitless sensation for our sense of smell and this is cool because like,,, i can smell colors!!!

i wanna throw up despite the fact literally nothing is in my stomach. idk i just hate having bodily fluids in me get it all OUT!!!! iwant to get stabbed

this is so stupid i feel so disgusted with my body. it's not like the appearance of it tho, it's just the fact that i HAVE a body. it's disgusting

yesterday i had to clean the house while in so much pain and then the cuts opened up in the shower so i bled even more (not much tho unfortunately) im so tempted to like try and make myself bleed out again, it's super painful but like it's kinda nice when i can feel my consciousness slipping away and then ijust. yeah!!! sucks tho when i got back up i was all sticky from my blood it was gross ickyy. and like right before i passed out i was literally soaked in my blood it felt like i was laying in water tbh, idk ihate everyone i hate existing i hate having a bodyi hate it ALL

at least i was on my bed when i passed out unlike last time when i was in thr bathroom and hit my head on my sink and got a ****ing bruise. i have a bruise on my leg tho and idk where it came from??? it wasn't done intentionally i know that for sure. and it's like on the lower part so idk!!! maybe i hit it on something without even realizing it

existing makes me super nauseous

iwant to diiieeeeee but if i die now who will watch my cat:( i think mum forgot to find a new home for her like usual,,, my sister is in a lot of trouble so haha to her!!! she got her phone taken away too. at least i can use mine sometimes

i hate getting the urge in class ughrjksnm iwant to bleed!!!i want to cut myself so much but i can't do that in class, maybe i can do a bit at most. not in this class tho

today class ends earlier than normal because we have career connections this is annoying i dont like doing extra work. freshman and sophomore year i literally did absolutely nothing during career connections, pretty sure that's gona mess me up later on in my senior year but wtv

this is literally the most average day ever why is it so average. like not even my friend waited for me today,,, i don't know if i'll be able to eat whatever we make today in culinary because im SO ****ing nauseous i actually threw up before going to school today, plus my stomach hurts probably because how empty it is + me throwing up just straight up stomach acid and a chunk of,,, something?? idk what it was but clearly it didn't properly get digested

i gtg in like 3 minutes to culinary then i'll be back after because it'll be career connections, i'll probably end up working on my contest entry for pugs contest to pass the time and idk yet!!! i want to nap

well now it's 1 minute, that send a minute late xd i wanna go home!!!! nefdwsnjwkm i love my friends so much/p they're all the besttttewubhjnl shoutout to them all for putting up witbh my shit daily

thank you you are very sweet and nice

that's just being me i guess!!! the self harm is an addiction even when im happy i still do it despite not having any reason to, that's just how my addiction works i guess!!! and im not actually sad right now just mostly disgusted, like seeing my hands typing this alone is enough to make me wanna throw up and cut my hands off or something ijjust wanna get rid of it!!! you shouldn't worry too much though, this is normal for me:33 one minute im happy happy better than everyone else!!! then the next im on the verge of suicide and hurting myself so bad to the point im all shakey and unwell. it's just the way i've been for years, since i was around 13. at 12 it was similar but still different, i didn't start cutting then tho instead i'd bite myself and bang my head against things to try and give myself brain damage. i couldn't even stop self harm for my favorite person so i don't think i can stop because i'd do absolutely ANYTHING for them i love them so much🩷 but thank you for caring it's very nice of you

i mean i guess if i ever wanted to i probably could, but i dont wanna