i left a comment on someone’s post about an old friend and it opened the eyes of my high ass mind and made me realize i went through more than a kid needs to

why is there someone on my tv reading r/memes get this off my ****ing screen

anyways a first point is i saw my deadbeat mom in the ICU after she overdosed and was found somewhere in okc back in late june . i tell myself it wasn’t traumatic but in reality it still really ****s with me to this day second point is a lot of my childhood (between 9-16) i lived in an abusive home and almost that entire time (from when i was 9-14) i was on flipanim a lot so i ended up being awful to people as an outlet . it really ****ed with my head as well and i don’t view the concept of a mom as a good thing .

trigger warning for s/a (do we do trigger warnings here anymore)

third point is YES i had teenage sex and YES i was assaulted and im obviously not unpacking that in public but that as well as an evil situationship ended up ruining my perception on relationships up until 4 months ago

and a lot of this made me feel like i aged a trillion years because most preteens and teens spend their life having fun and doing fun stuff while i had to mature myself a bit faster because i had to learn not to think about hurting myself and i had to learn that it’s not the end of the world when something small happens and it kinda ****s with me

dude i sound so corny right now

the only reason why i had the ultimate lock in is because i joined a video production class and i started smoking weed #godbless of course i don’t really condone underage drug use but i usually smoke because of sleeping issues as well as depression and ptsd symptoms 😭😭 stay sober guys i got really bad brain fog

im gonna look back on this when im 20 after a long college class and im gonna be laughing my ass off dude