I think it's just the same thing as last time I come to talk a bit for no apparent reason and then I'll go back to not using this place for however long

like stuff has obviously been better than it was a month ago or whatever but still not great. i mean dealing with loss of people you care about and stuff is tough, I know plenty of people who have gone through it, just about anyone, but yeah when it happens to you like especially people you are very close with you just don't know what to do with yourself for the longest time

with friends its one thing, like it really really does suck because they are there for you and everything and you never even think about when there will be a time they won't be there. But like it's just a whole different thing when like it's your girlfriend or whatever it is. not necessarily a million times worse although it is bad. like I know my friends will come and go, I want to keep as many as I can but yeah, but losing like someone you can 100% see living the rest of your life with is just awful, I don't know what to do, and I haven't know since she died. obviously yeah I'm a high schooler, I'm gonna graduate literally this year so there's a lot of time for me to do stuff and all but it's just weird having this happen