However, It looks like the band’s gonna break up since Lepidus isn’t very important apparently. While Antoney’s checking off who’s next to die from the ‘senators I don’t like’ checklist, he goes into a long winded monologue with one convoluted simile about Lepidus being an ass that they’ll put out to pasture when their done using him and another equally as confusing metaphor about Lepidus also being only as good as a war horse that can’t do anything unless it is specifically told to by its rider (a horse AND an ass Antony? Better call up ‘Old Mcdonald ‘cause you're sealing half his livestock).

Also, on the side suicide rates have skyrocketed. I’m tellin’ ya, they’re dropping like flies out there. Portia started this hot new trend by eating herself some burning coals like they were the juiciest grapes she’s ever laid eyes on and were ripe for the picking. Later, Casius, whilst in the middle of some active battlefield, shouts over the screams of dying men to chit chat about how he got a similar idea from some general dude who killed himself before possibly getting captured because “FoR hoNOr!!!” or whatever. Cassius then thinks to himself “this sounds like a brilliant plan!” and orders his slave to get in on a little stabby-stab-stab action before he peaces out of the storyline for the rest of the play. THeN Cassius’s best bro Titinius (gosh that’s such a cool name. I hope he doesn’t die!) sees Cassius’s corpse before proceeding shortly after to stab himself too (Dang it! Romans, amiright?).

In the end, Brutus had the final suicide. But he couldn’t just stab himself, no no, he had to be extra. WHat Brutus did was call out to his men for volunteers after his buddy so-and-so said “Naw man, I’m good. Actualy, If I did that, I would also probably kill myself (wHY WOULD YOU DO THA- oh, wait. Roman. Right)” to assisting Brutus in his ‘glorious???’ suicide. He asks one other dude who also says no before looking at Strato and basically saying “Eh, you’ll have to do” TO. HIS. FACE. ?????? Okay, rude. ANyway, Strato holds the sword and Brutus charges forward like a ticked off hummingbird dive bombing some poor soul who looked at him funny and impales himself on the sword.

The end. That’s it. That’s the entirety of Act 5 with some sprinkles from Act 4. It was 5 scenes and WAY too long. I still have to do Bio and learn about viruses, but this is it or English.

Help yourself. There's plenty to go around.

It's from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.

Writing this summary was the only thing that kept my attention on the text. In order to summary I had to find out what happened next.

*summarize

Hey, it’s me. What did you expect?