I've only upset people today. I can't do this anymore. I was practicing coding, someone was upset and i wrote to them in code accidentally out of habit without realizing. They got made and i left them alone. I just made this worse. I've been clingey to my friends a lot cause i need support. I'm just making them upset and agitated. I've been trying to get better, but in order to do that i have to live in anger with myself and agitate myself. I get mad and take it out on my family accidentally. I torture myself by listening to sad music but not letting myself cry. I'm hurting my emotional state even more when i should be fixing it. I'm giving myself more sadness to bottle up instead of letting it out, which will turn to anger and fear which i will end up taking out on innocent people. I stress out and drain my grandparents energy because of that anger. I'm just hurting them. They don't deserve that. They are amazing people that love me dearly. They don't deserve me. No one does.