This sickening feeling is constantly brooding but I always have something, anything, to distract from it and the moment I don't I become too aware. So much stupid shit and for what. There is so much better out there for me and I am constantly clawed down. This stupid dumbed down personality I want dead I want to be myself I want it to be normal. I disgust myself.

I don't want to be seen as this person I created but now I'm locked into it. It's horrendous is what it is. Unmasking and actually being happy with who you are sounds so so easy but it's plain to see I'm too incompetent to do so, because I'm just that pathetic and stupid. Wow.

And I have school tomorrow. Wow. Brilliant! Might just make myself sick I am in no mood to go in and pretend. I ****ing hate that. I adore my friends but I cannot be myself around them, or anyone for that matter.

I feel awful. But that's a good thing at this point if rather that over being a happy dope as per usual. I have nothing to do but I don't want to go to sleep because that means tomorrow comes. I want to lay in the moments where I can actually feel myself as a person be real

I am a real person. I am not what is seen but I'm there. I actually have feelings and am an entire cosmos of a being past that stupid stupid person I hide behind. I really can't do this right now

I am not just an accessory I am not just a trope I am not just comedy I am not just an idea