ahes partying

wut was i gonna say

trying not to ghost my friemd cuz dey leaked mah info to a bad person a while back and now i might be in dangr if i say sumthgg :P

i cant stop typing weird

i cant say dis and mah thats so weird and not normal what the heck

i keep talking about this i cant stop its always on my midn

this is so weiirddd a miss him idk y i just do i wsa in such a bad place and he was the only nice person to me nthi s is peobably all a figment of my imagination because hes so nice and stuff and he would never be bad to me snd idk why im causing so mnay pronlems i keep saying im gonna kill myself and thrn i never end up doing it because anything i could do it with is purposely out somewehre i cant get because i got caubht one time i want to get help but i canntttt i cant grt help because nobodh is getting me it and all i can do is ask for it and everytime immlike i need to get help and theyre like okkk well get u helo they never do it and any time were there they have to be with me while i talk it SUCJKS and any time im alone i cant talk either i hate talking to adults about stuff because they out me in a room with a random adukt and theyre like this guys a professional so u trust him ok and its l8ke i dont even know this guy how is them being a trained professional going to make me trust them more they

just ask me about my wating habits amd go uh huh uh huh let me write this down how does this make u feel and im like IDK DUDE UR SUPOJSED TO HELP ME FIGURE THAT OUT A and theyre like are u SURE U DONT know try thinking harder AND THEN send me on my way like what the flip does fhat even helo me with NITHING and i cant talk about my actual problems because since im a child all my problems i have are things that would require them to get police or my parents involved and i cant deal with that and the last time i talked with a professional they said i was just experiencing teen depression or some bullshit amd then left me if i told my mom i needed diagnosis for anything because im like 99% sure i have some things and if i grt medicated for it my life would be 10x easier she would tell me im overreacting and then ignore any other mentiojs of it its ssooo frustrating i know most of this is just cuz she doesnt want to spend money on it either idk what to do

if my mom found out i still wanted to kms shed lrobably send me to like the mental hospital or something and idk is that the only way i can get actual help.... ive been closer than i have in a while to killing myself like reeally close and its going to happen but i fhi k i meed to pick up the pace i dont think anyones going to tale me seriously until it works anhwahs why does nobody csre abiut this kind of stuf until it actually works because if i actuslly do it i best be seeing NOBODY crying at my funeral . do not act like u didnt see any signs actually **** everyone im going to write in my notes detailed paragraohs of what i hate about every single person ive ever interacted with i am so hate fueled rn

this part might get a little bad do k need a warning for this i might be oversharing a lot at some point i domt have anywhere to write this down anonymously

i domt like my body that much i dint feel like i can say that cuz i have a body type thats like ideal cuz im underweight and my hips are average and all thay shit even tho im a little flat but also my face is like a bit chubby like not really chubby but like im underwweight and my face is chubbier than someone whos underweights face usually is ? and i dont like that also my face is ugly but thats too much to talk abiut rn but my face is like round and stuff and i cant out my hairback because you can see it if i do so its akways down and my smile is kind if weird and i feel like unclean all the time not like literally unclean but like. stuff and idk any time i wear tight clothing i feel ugly so i ususally have baggy clothes on sometimes i have tight shirts on if im feeling confident eniugh but thats kind of it i wear skirts to school tho even though im like skinny my stomach is pnt entirely flat so i dont wear crop tops unless i have a jacket over it i can zip ip halfway and i dint remember the last time

ive gone outside without makeup and not felt even a llittle bit ugly also i have freckles and it looks like my face is dirty all the time 💔 whenever someone touches me like even just like a shoulder tap without my shoulders even exposed its so uncomfortable it just ruins my day idk why i cannot STAND ohysical touch sometikes i can tolerate a hug from my family members and stuff but even if im like passing someone something and they accidentally touch my hand its soooo i hate it i think it feeds into the me feeling unclean thing not that i think other people are unclean but like i dint want them to be dirty or anything even though literally i wm clean its like idkk maybe its embarrassing fir them because now they have to get clean again i fontknw

one time when i was 7 my dad stole. 9 dollars from me and never gave it back

OMG OMG OMG IM SCREAMING SOMEONE DREW GOINFLAM

IM CURED FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID LIFE IS WINDERFUL AND I LOVE MYSELF

they only showed me the sketch but theyre going to COLOR her now and im so happy :)

i wont stop venting on flipanim until someone uses these against me in an argument

jk i wont stop either way the haters cant get to me

who does that

thjansk