beep beep

21 comments
Bluestopsign[OP]
01.03.2020 16:46
LinkChapter 3
-2 week timeskip-
I wasn’t throwing up as much as I had before. The pain was mostly numb. Relief was only a product of the shots. Painkillers. Something to calm down my stomach. I don’t know, exactly. I simply felt sore. Ukraine had stopped waiting at my side. Something about me being ‘contagious’. My stomach begged for some type of food, but I knew well enough anything I ate would come right back up. I was still, excluding my pathetic trembling and the occasional coughing. For hours, days, I sat alone. The only times I felt alive were when the pain or nausea rose. Those times, I was quickly sent back into my own little stupor and left once again.
Bluestopsign[OP]
01.03.2020 16:46
LinkI was alone.
I was sick.
I was losing my grip on the little hope I had.
I hadn’t remembered it being this bad last time…
I stared at my own hand, and I wondered if I was fading.
Bluestopsign[OP]
01.03.2020 16:47
Link-9 day timeskip-
They said they didn’t think anything was contagious.
People could stay with me now.
Mom, Dad, America, Aussie, they all saw me every now and then.
I only really wanted to see Ukraine.
The thing is, I never did.
I don’t know why. He just never visited. I never even heard how he was doing. We hadn’t seen each other in… What, 3 weeks?
Bluestopsign[OP]
01.03.2020 16:47
Link I dunno, all I can tell is that he’s not here and my stomachache is threatening to make me cry again. In all honesty, I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of laying here. I’m tired of ink. I’m tired of people saying I’m going to be okay. I’m tired of being useless. I’m tired of being a burden.
I’m tired of being HERE.
Alive.
They say I’ll be okay.
I don’t think I will be.
Okay isn’t good.
Okay isn’t happy.
Okay isn’t healthy.
Okay is a bland description of what it is to simply live, with no misery, yet no joy either.
I don’t wanna be okay.
And I don’t think I deserve to be better than that.
Bluestopsign[OP]
01.03.2020 16:48
Link(you guys i apologize for how bad this is lmao)