Meanwhile he's off doing his own thing and I feel so distant from him- maybe I did something wrong...if I did I obviously don't know what- I wanna be affectionate with them both but they've never felt so... Far away before Like I can really feel the distance between us and usually it's just Not there

No..its- everyone I feel so distant from Everyone Like Little comments will piss me off and I just leave even though I don't REALLY want to But what else do I do? Cuss them out?

It feels like everyone either has their walls built up to high for me or straight up doesn't even care I exist..

And ofc everytime I think of what's gonna happen to me when this all comes crashing down I immediately think to those people who told me to kill myself I want to But I don't want them to win yk?

Who the hell am I talking to Noone cares No one ever cares when you try to act all erratic and happy Yea maybe it worked for a little while But now people are sick of it..sick of you

Im so sick of you Jericho

Im so upset I can't just- say what I want out of fear of getting major backlash from them

Anytime I try to say something to them I'm like "No I'm not talking abt you, I'd tell u if I was- <3" but that's a lie cuz I'm deathly afraid of losing them AGAIN When their entire friend group and them were mad at me I was at my absolute lowest And I am now but that.. That was different.. It felt like- despair This just feels like self hate and rage

And if I say anything to him I feel like I'll be shut down Like they'll say "oh it's just my personality!" Or "Why do you care anyway-?" And I don't I don't want that I just want his attention And he's busy And he has a shit ton of other friends but does he really understand how much I love him if hes..well unintentionally making me feel this way?

And Rosee GRRRRR I don't know why I get so- frustrated- I don't know why maybe something is wrong with me? I shouldn't be so goddamn possessive of someone I don't even ****ing know But holy shit they've done so much for me it's unbelievable and I can't believe I act that way when they're brought up- I just- it seems like They have better friends then me I know they do for a fact I'm not as connected to them as they are to other people I'm nowhere near open enough to ask them questions Im- pathetic around them Because they well If it came down to it I think they'd be my only damn friend till death But something deep inside me says they'll never feel the same Because I'm a horrible shifty person I always stress them out or I'm just too clingy to them I know what we have won't last muh longer I'm loosing strength and I just- can't But they- just- ugh They make me so elated and miserable at the same time it's crazy

And that one guy ughhhh- It feels like he's just using me for rps- and I probably just paranoid! But still Everytime we talk "wanna rp?" "Let's rp!!" And it's not fair that I get what I want But with someone who makes me mildly uncomfortable Who I find no joy in talking to anymore I mean I used to find him super funny and like Inspiring but I can't shake this feeling he's using me And it's most likely not on hid mind that he is He probably doesn't even notice But I still feel that way and everytime I bring it up three days later it starts again

I feel like this ticking time bomb!! I'm so ****ing close to just exploding and I know it's gonna end in someone getting hurt or me...well. Actually successfully kms

I feel so abandoned and hurt and NO one gives too shits "Oh I'm here to talk if you need me <3" WHAT ****ING SICK ***** LIES LIKE THAT LIES AND THEN LAUGHS ABOUT IT WITH THEIR OTHER FRIENDS

I wish this was some kind of fictional story Or some fantasy world Maybe then Life would be easier on me Because people like me are destined to die before high-school graduation

They'll bound to kill themselves feeling completely isolated Hurt Enraged Sick Exhausted Unloved Abandoned

I hate this horrible unfair world How cruel to beat a horse when it's already down