I thought I was a good person back then.. But I was wrong to think that. And please dont make fun of ddlg its a normal relationship just like any other.. and don't hate on Puppy, she doesn't deserve any of that. I thought because I had to take on the leading dom role of the relationship I thought I had to be tough and manipulative. But at the same time I was battling with something really hard

I was and still am battling with a tough demon. Im trapped within' myself. I'm trapped. And I need help on my own.. I have to put myself first before others. But I always put her first before myself, and learned to smile. Cause that's what I had to do. My thoughts destroyed me, it made my depression, and paranoia worse.

With that, I think I'm going to leave for good. I was a mess., still am. It all hurts to get told that you were the problem of everything.. But its something I have to deal with. Im a terrible person. Ive had a good amount of blood, But i've never had this amount of tears. It's hurtful, it really is. But Its true..

Truth hurts. Im trying to work on myself, I don't think my mental state is really doing good though. I might die trapped in myself, I might actually take it to another limit and do something bad.. But im trying not to. But I just might. I cant promise I wont, but i can promise I'm trying. And Melanie.. I love you.. im sorry for everything, it's all my fault and I realized that before you even said that.. I wish you could hear how sorry I am.. I wish you could see how sorry I am in person. But you cant.. Goodbye, until you get old. I hope you don't die from diabetes I hope its from old age at least. I want you to live a long and happy life and dont come back to me ever.. Im proud of you, I always was.

Ill see you when your old and gone. <33 I love you forever and always, but you don't need me. Just love yourself and keep on the path you're on.. Im proud of you.

Goodbye.. Forever and always.