i'm not okay i cannot stress how many times i've wanted to crawl in a hole and die the only thing keeping me alive is my family and my friends and the continuous thought that i would make someone unhappy if i croaked i'm not content with my life style but i don't have the energy to change it i need help but i don't get it and its a cycle that keeps going on over and over again i want to stop but i cant "its too much work" and "just keep laying down you can eat later" keep repeating in my head until night when i think "oh lets try socializing now!" but im afraid of the dark i don't know what to do about how i live but i have no idea what to do or what i could do to change it but i also want it to continue i don't mind it as much as i do i want to suffer but at the same time not its confusing me "should i live like this or not?" i've been asking myself but i just don't know

i just feel weird