Untitled
by:
AlexCatlonea 
49
49
21.09.2021
8 comments
AlexCatlonea[OP]
21.09.2021 02:41
LinkSo I don't have a therapist. I don't have a friend to vent to. If I talk to my parents, they just pry more and it ends up making me more upset. So I shall vent to no one and everyone. But, I struggle a lot. Not necessarily with school, but people. I struggle with people so much. I also really struggle with myself and my mental health. I've been struggling with mental health since 5th grade. I've been struggling with my body image since as long as I can remember. I've struggled with physical issues for like 3 years now and got really bad right before quarantine. I don't understand people and people don't understand me. I keep choosing to be with people who only bring more problems and not people who help me. I have a wonderful romantic partner, but he's just not the right person for me. I need someone who takes care of me and I have to baby him all the time. I love him to death, but I'm not sure if I should stay with him or maybe try to find someone else who could just take care of me and be there for me when
AlexCatlonea[OP]
21.09.2021 02:48
LinkI need it which is sadly very often. The only person who really comforts me at all would be my friend, but not much. The only thing that ever really helps is my stories and all of the escapism. I use my stories to help escape all of my problems to give me a life not so full of hate and sadness and torment and pain. It's just the only thing really nice that I have. I also am very touch avoidant and I was even as a toddler. I am easily overwhelmed, my depression isn't as bad as it was but it's still bad, I can't relate to most people, I can't spend time with people my age because they annoy me, I need attention and I need care but no one to give me that and I always feel lonely and empty. I have basically just given up on my dream to be a baker because of my bad ankles, bad knees and constant back pain. I have headaches pretty regularly. I used to be an emotional eater which didn't help with me being overweight. I am constantly dehydrated. I put myself through so much suffering through my friends and I don't me
AlexCatlonea[OP]
21.09.2021 02:54
Linkan to. I am a broken person and when my older sister left, I had to take the role of oldest sibling. So now I'm some mix between a middle child and an oldest child. I am a perfectionist so I am never good enough for myself and my self-esteem just doesn't exist. I want to be good and I want to do better, but no one ever notices my work or gives a **** so what's the pay off? I have lost hope in humanity long ago. I have been having a lot of suicidal thoughts recently. I want to make friends on here, but many of my friends have left me. I always check up on people, I am always the replacement parent for others, I always take care of others because I am the replacement mom, but I don't want to be. I want to be that person that feels protected and I want just one person that makes me feel not scared and alone. I deal with constant hallucinations for all senses, if I can go a day without at least one, it is a miracle. It's gotten better over the years, but I would get some kind of hallucination like every half an h
AlexCatlonea[OP]
21.09.2021 02:58
Linkour or so as a kid. These have scared me, made me cry and even made some characters. I don't want to deal with these though, it's so annoying. Though the touch ones aren't so bad, sometimes they even help me fall asleep since it makes me feel like there is someone watching over me. I just need help and I know that, but there is no helping me. No amount of talking will save me, no amount of admitting my problems with make them go away and I just want them to all go away. I just want to be normal. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I go just talk to a stranger? Why can't I just go on a hike? Why must I suffer? What did I do? What caused such horrible things to happen to me? Is it a lesson? I want it to end because I've already learned. I just want to be fine.
Hey. Alex, you've been through being the therapist friend. But now it's time you talk. I know you did already, but I'm fully willing to be your therapist friend. I'm always willing to talk with you about your issues
Ok now that im out of school and have more time:
Vince worries about you. He worries about you so much. Yes you know this, but he really really wants whats good for you. He's just unsure of how to do it. He wishes he could be better, and I'm helping him work on it. As the chaotic good person in the group, I feel it is my job to keep you guys happy and together. I want to be there for the both of you. I'm willing to help you guys change and help your problems. Alex, you struggle with people, and I do too. It used to be very bad, and back then, you were just so cool to me. You were and still are one of my favorite idols and people I've met. You managed to push through some much pain and struggle in your life. But look at you, still going. I'm so very proud of you. From when we met to now, you have gotten so much more confident and strong. Maybe not physically, but mentally. Sure you feel like you're down low, but you always manage to climb back up. That's more than what most people can do. You are so goddamn-
-strong. You amaze me so much. Vince loves you so much and is willing to change, all for you. We are here to help, and I'll be damned if I don't do a good job. I promise, Alex, we all will get through this together. Every step of the way.