Ep #1 Just a school girl
by:
KittytheWitch 
1887
1887
24.12.2017
11 comments
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 12:46
Link- Disclaimer -
all the evedence and things i pull up belong to tps, and this is meant to give advice on how to improve her next series or this one, please do not send hate to this user, this is meant for advice and entertainment only, thank you.
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 12:47
Linkso, Just a school Girl, i have to say, there is alot in it that is well done, so im going to point out the errors in the series and give advice to help Improve them.
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 12:48
LinkIm deving this up into parts, ill try to keep it at 4 parts
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 12:48
Link*deviding? UUUGH
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 12:52
Link1. art work / lineart
the art is great, it really is. i find it as a very loose art style. but its sometimes hard to tell because of how sloppy it is, my advice is to clean up the art style making it easier to figure out whats going on at some points. other than that... it gives me that manga vibe. YEAAAAA
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 12:56
Link2. plot / how its told
i'd have to say that the plot is interesting, ilove it, but there is alot of problems of how its told, the story keeps on jumping from place to place, making it confusing on how it works out in the real plot, my suggestion is to give it more time and character development so we can have more time to figure out whats going on before a plot twist happens
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 12:58
Link3. setting
now the setting is a good start, a highschool. but there is no evedence at first magic is real, because if there is magical being walking around yah cant just have 2, you need alot of them, thats a tangent for another day though...
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 13:03
Link4. characters
i saved this for last because well i gotta alot to say about it, now at first it gives you the vibe of " oh this is a slice of life " kinda thing, but when it turns all magical BOOM it changes, there is no development, we have no answer to why Makenzie hates cameo at first. or that sh is magic, its like
oh ima school bully JK ima demon thats gonna kill everything
Angel pops up. " staph "
" oh ok. "
Im just stitting here just wondering WHY!? now these ae mostly surrounding makenzie BUT STILL.
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 13:04
Linktry to give us a hint that she is magic BEFORE WE KNOW SHE IS MAGIC
KittytheWitch[OP]
24.12.2017 13:05
Linkand for all of that i'd rate this series a 2/4 its not perfect but its still kinda good
Thepapersandwich
17.02.2018 07:53
LinkOh my gosh this is so old but I’m still gonna reply to it because oof
1. Valid points, good criticism I got a kick outta reading it
2. There is no character development because I never really considered it as a thing for an audience. I guess I should though... mostly it’s just getting the story out so yes a lot of developements are rushed
3. The reason why it’s so jumpy and sudden is because i like to make it realistic instead of 'for a reader'. If that happened irl there would be no warning that mackie was a demon. She is just a mad schoolgirl after all. Most of the actual plot (LOLOLL PLOT HAHAHA NONE OF THAT) starts like, after the kamio line and honestly
I lost all of the original comics the story is based on.... I have no actual idea what’s happening either
Glad you enjoy (?) it though
Oh and 3. No magic happening here
Answers come later shhhhhhh