Someone who has been hurt does not have to forgive someone in order to move on with their emotional health. In many ways forcing yourself to forgive someone because it's expected can do so much more damage to you and your own happiness. Victims don't owe their tormentors anything. Forgiveness can help some but to others they feel as though they don't need to forgive them but can acknowledge when someone takes responsibility for their actions. I know I for one would be told to work on forgiving my Ex, but in all honestly I've tried multiple times to find it in me to forgive her because everyone told me to and it only increased my anger and both her and myself because I felt as though I was letting her get away with it like she always did and I was left blaming myself for not properly fixing the relationship.

Now sometimes I have to find ways to let that anger out because I can't bring myself to forgive her like everyone expects me to. I am well aware of my emotions and I try not to let them get the better of me and even though I didn't forget the things she's done, simply excepting that I was not at fault and did more for me than trying to forgive her did. I was able to move on and find ways to cope with any additional anger and in the end I feel good as a result. I'm not bitter towards her and I'm not in pain because of it, I simply express my innermost feeling through art and fiction now and it helps me keep tabs on emotional health. Simply moving on and distancing myself from her in both body and mind allowed me to feel free and able to live my life for myself(mostly, sometimes memories come back of course)

It left me feeling free and not feeling like I owed her anything despite what society told me. I had to forgive myself and accept myself first and foremost and in the end i didn't need to extend that forgiveness to her to be able to move on with my life. I still have to deal with ordinary anger but I'm far from vindictive and negative because I at least respect her and I'm willing to acknowledge the fact that she now feels guilty for her actions years later, but I have nothing to gain from forgiving her. She owned up to her mistreatment of me a few months ago but at this point I have enough confidence in myself to know that I don't think I would be able to forgive her but I can at least focus on myself and wish her the best without feeling selfish for not forgiving something that was never my fault. Victims of abuse or other crimes shouldn't be told to forgive but should be told that it's at least an option if they feel as though they're up to it. Telling someone that they will become a worse person who is

angry all the time if they don't forgive who wronged them is nothing short of emotional manipulation aka gas-lighting and it puts too much pressure on the victim to be the one to fix the situation, not the one who is actually at fault. Sometimes forgiveness can only cause more confusion and pain for a victim when they can simply walk away with a clear conscience that what was done was not their fault and they have no reason to feel wrong or guilty because of it.

According to a close friend of mine who had a similar story said that they can still be the better person if they have to see their abuser on a regular basis because they have excepted that they don't owe their abuser forgiveness but can at least extend kindness through respect for oneself and their happiness not through forgiveness towards the other person.

Victims should be free to figure out how they want to move on, for some forgiveness might be the best option, but not everyone feels they can forgive without hurting themselves so it's simply wrong to tell someone to forgive when they can simply forgive themselves and be happy.

If any of Y'all need to talk about anything that's bothering you, I'm always open to listen. If any of you here are confused like I was on the topic of forgiveness, don't feel pressured by the world to do what is expected of you, do what is best for you and you alone.

Oop this was long lol. Please don't attack me this is just from personal experience but I feel like this needed to be said.

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That's just disgusting Their literal job is to direct you to be the best you can emotionally and are supposed to help you heal but they dont tell you that forgiveness isn't the only option. I also have trust issues so I can relate to that. I hope you can heal from that one day.

Np dude like I said, I felt like I needed to say it.

Yes I 100% agree!

No dude I completely agree with you. If someone is hurting another person of their own free will then the victim is in no way responsible for what happened and should be able to choose if forgiveness is right for them. I've seen so much victim blaming online by people who probably mean well and want to help the hurting person along, but they don't realize the pressure they're putting on the victim to be the one to suck up their pride and forgive when it's not that simple. Seeing people who have been through enough be blamed and called bad for not wanting to forgive just makes me sick.

It's no problem at all dude I'm glad I could help.