Ok for the abusing part probably get needed help that will probably help that issue if u don’t have nobody to go to I really don’t know I’m not that good at helping with that but ur are not a disappointment u are a special and nice person and they’re are going to have to accept u for who u are. don’t ever let those words get in ur head to make u feel better, do something that u love to do It helps me.also be careful punching holes in the wall it might hurt u I hate to see u upset but I can tell u to take in a deep breath and then do ur favorite activity probably tell them that u want them to appreciate u more and if ur to afraid to tell them like how I am probably make a list of things u love and hate in a private anim. it helps me then put some ice on ur hands ur they are probably going to start hurting or so sooner so do that then when ready take a warm bath then listen to some music or something drink something warm and get a good night rest.