Look at little Tim Tim, sleeping so soundly. WAKE UP TIMMY, WHAT IF THERE'S A MONSTER?! Don't be scared, Timmy, or he'll eat you. Monsters smell fear. Lucky for you, I got a SAFETY TORCH! Put it on your porch, make a SAFETY PORCH! Put it in the hallway. SAFETY TORCH! Scare the monsters away. SAFETY TORCH! That'll be 50 bucks.

Uncultured.