I have a past of being a real dick. Not the recent stuff, This site hasn't seen even half the magnitude of bad shit I've done. I used to be an actual bad person. I would go out of my way to hurt people. Actually hurt them, physically. I am not proud of who I used to be. But I get these urges, I guess. I feel the need to be bad, to people who deserve it. I want to just tell people off, insult them, explain how much I hate them. Nobody on here, really. I just want them to hear how much I mean it when I tell them I wish they were ****ing dead. And then I remember the people I've hurt in the past, and how much it hurts me now to have been that person. I don't know if I'm happy with the way I am, but I don't want to be anyone else.

I have loved ones, people I really care for. My family. And the person I hate, more than anyone, is someone who has hurt every one of them. I just want to hurt him back, make him feel all the shit he made everyone else feel. But the thought of it reminds me how much I've done in the past that I despise.

I don't believe that anyone really understands the scope how bad I was, or how much I hate to have been bad. And yes, I was a bad person. not troubled, or going through a lot. I wasn't acting out or confused. I was a bad person. And, no matter how much I mentally distance myself from that, I can never forget it, or I might do some shit again. The worst part, in my opinion, is that I don't know how much was justified. Either for not remembering, or that fact that I always found ways to justify it to myself. I was always the victim, I could never be the one that started it. I was bullied, so everything I did was okay. I see this mentality in other people too, and I hate it. We never really see our own wrong doings unless we admit to ourselves that we have the capacity to perform evil acts, that sometimes we are the bad guy.

I do bad things now, but I think that the things I do are minor. insults and dumb shit. And often for a reason. Really, I think more people should decide if the ends REALLY justify the means.

A lot of people don't admit that what they do is bad because they can't accept responsibility for the consequences. I know I never used to be able to. But really, the golden way to do it, is to never deal out more than you can take.