I'm tired. I'm tired of hiding and it's just been really bad for my mental health and other people. I shouldn't hide I understand that. As I go on to explain through this, you might remember or know who I am.

I had an account, or we could say a few that I've built up over the couple years I've been here. It's been great and everything. But in some of the time being here I felt alone. I seem to have forgotten what I had, I keep telling myself it was okay to forget everything.

As I moved on I realized I really wasn't ready so I started hiding behind accounts. I really tried to leave but my crave for friends and art really pushed me into this site. I feel like I can't really leave, I feel trapped because the longer I've been on the site the longer I raved to be noticed and likes and follows that made me happy in some type a way that was like nicotine.

Still don't know who I am? What if I said I wrote a few raps and shared them with you guys. What if I said I had a decent following base, first 200+ then 700+? What if I said I got kicked out of both accounts. What if I said I was bullied on this site many times and misunderstood like everyone on this site. Still don't know? I try to be honest with people close to me and all of you guys. But it's very hard to when I feel like the odds are against me. I feel like whatever I say I will get "backlash" for it. Or should I said "Lashback" And that's a clue to who I am. My personality? I was told I was kind caring sweet and cute, and many more things. But really what I consist of is a sad vulnerable person that just wants to leave the darkness but cant.

I hid it from my lover. I hid all my darkest thoughts from her and she told me I could tell her anything. It's hard to tell anyone because I'm broken in all directions. It's impossible to put this humpty dumpty back together again.

All I ever looked for was friends and I had a bit of them, but then I'd say something stupid to make them hate me or go away, or they'd just leave me on their own. Recently I got broken down more than I was. Smashed to even smaller pieces than before. I left discord, I left my games, and I left this site. I tried to commit many things to myself so I could just get off this planet. But what are you to do when you feel alone. I knew I was always going to be alone and everyone would just end up leaving me, So I just kept it to myself instead of speaking out against what I was feeling. No matter what I try everyone always leaves, so I tried to get rid of myself because there was no point in trying if they'd just leave anyways. I feel speechless even when I'm yelling.

I was always the one to keep things to themselves, their thoughts and emotions to never share one piece of it with anyone. I feel alone because I don't share anything like that to anyone. and half the stuff I'm feeling right now I can't even say.

So I'm sorry. For everything. I know I'm a jerk, I know I'm stupid and a worthless person. I understand I've wasted your time and I understand I've messed up on several occasions with different people on this site. I would get it if you didnt take my apology serious.