If it wasnt for me being so rude, childish and just stupid. I wouldn’t have lost my friends or isolated myself from them in my pessimistic delusion. I just feel so horrible and the fact im ive been ill for a year straight irs making it all worse. Why cant i change? Ehy cant i be better Why do i always have to be the ine that ruins everything for myself and others i keep dear to my heart. Im so sick of myself and i wish itd just stop. I really cant take any more of this.

I just feel worse from writing this, I hate this I hate ny art I hate myself I hate everything I hate anything. My chest keeps tightening, i cant tell if it’s something to do with my asthma or that im on the verge of tears. I hope its my asthma, it’ll make all these regrets and guilts of the past fade away into a void that i womt ever have to acknowledge again. Im so sorry to those ibe hurt and those i annoy, i dont deserve any if your kindess, pity nir mercy. I am so sorty i really am but i dont know any other way to express it.