idk why its so hard to trust people bro i always just feel like everyone hates me secretlt really really bad. I always feel like this so i always really really try to be vague but also not dry i just try to change a ton of stuff abt me to make sure they like me even tho i dont even know if im doing it right?? its like i avoid so many things just to try to make them happy with me?????? And i still dont feel like they like me so,,.,.. anyways it feels so weird for people to actually care about me even when im a mess it doesnt make sense this hasnt really happened before maybe because i never really opened up to anyone before ? But nobody stuck with me through everything without conplaining and so now that someone is doing that for me it just doesnt seem right? It seems like its not supposed to happen like i do not deserve it?????? It makes me question everything and it makes me skeptical of why would people even care abt me and if theyre STILL lying and dont actually care because then that makes me feel super -

horrible because why camt i just trust what they said? But then agaon why should i trust them??? But am i being selfish??????

I get too confused and i dislike myself so much i just want everyone to leave me so i can be alone i want to fix myself alone or give up alone but i cant do that i need help but i hate it i feel so selfish when people help.me i feel like such an idiot why cant i figure stuff out on my own????? Why am i not good enough i thought i was the one who was supposed to always help people now im crying on peoples shoulders weekly why did this happen??? Why do i suddenly feel like i should display my emotions??? I never felt like that unless i was alone by myself in a bathroom i always was told to be selfless and give up my happiness and now that ive started to kind of let myself have my own time i feel like i am wrong,? I feel like i am not a good person for that? I feel like i should not be in control of myself i dont really feel like a real person i kinda feel like i think someone should be controlling me instead so thay way i wont make mistakes????

if someone tells me what to do all the time and i always get it right then i would be happy with that and that would make them happy too and i would not be making mistakes and havi g my emotions get in the way of everything ?

people tell others to be urself but i dont even know who i am and i am 15 years old??? I have hobbies and interests yet i feel like maybe thats all not real and maybe if i gave everything up it would be better for everyone and if i only did stuff that people wanted me to than that would be fine??

I dont feel like a real person half the time i feel kind of strange like maybe i was meant to be useful for something but i ended up trying to be a human but i feel wrong i feel like i am supposed to be better and make others happu

I dont feel real a lot i feel like whatever came before my life was something different but now im a human but i feel like it was not supposed to be like that

I dont know why i feel like i have to be controlled by someone at all times i tried to look it up but i didnt get any answers i dont know why i want this?

I dont really know what it is like to be my own person i dont think i am there yet but if i do get there what if i still dont like it what if i dont want to make my own decisions

I just kinda wanna make other people happy i dont reallt care if im happy id rather not feel a thing at all actually i love feeling happy its amazing but it always goes away so if i never felt anything ever it would be easier

idk i always feel so weird and out of place idk i feel not normal

maybe im having derealization constantly or maybe this is real

maybe what im talking about is real like what if i am not actually supposed to be here

thank you dude i am alright atm just kinda thinking a lot. Thanks for being here for me