Its ok if you want to like it shows me ur listening to me vent anywasy

erm! Idk! My relationship between me and my gf (ill call her bun) is just so! Idk my therapist and my bsf (ill call her K) both said bun is probabyl not good for me! Or that we should prolly breka up! K and her other bsf knows bun is a lil ermmm easy to make upset and is very insecure and gets jealous n stuff

its just been so bad. Ive been a horrible bf. I literally cheated on her. I smoked weed when i knew she dudnt eant me to. I broke her trust so many times. And idk why. Ive stopped feeling all that much guilt for smoking? I mean i do feel alot of guilt i just know that she will dump me if i make another msitake (she said she would dump me if i made another mistake last time i told her i cheated on her bc i felt extremely guilty liek the day after it happened)

Idek why i smoke. Im addicted. And i want to stop. So shes happy and not mad at me. But i also dont want to stop. It makes me feel okay, it stops me from thinking these horrible thohghts. I hate being sad. I just want to behappy without the need to be on drugs (even perscription) i want to tell her im sorry and that im addicted to weed and that i dont want to do it but i feel like shell brewk up with me anyways. Im probbly gonna keep smokign even thought i knwow i shoudknt. Idk how to stop.

Im so in love with K and its hurts it ****ing hurts i get so jealous when she talked abt her now ex and when she talks abt the guy shes taljing with and i get jealous when she walks with someone else while im walkignwirh her and she isnt talking to me. I dont want to be in love with her. I just want everything to go back to how it was. I want to be happier again. I wish i never smoked. I wish i wasnt so selfish amd narcisistic amd just stayed with that damn friendgroyp. I wish i never stayed the night at that house. I wish i never dated Bun. I wish i as just better. I wish i was just happy. I eish i could just do my duckcing hoemwork and not make excuses. I wish i could be everything my parents and Bun want me to be.

I wish i would stop making the same mistakes OVER AND OVER AGIAN LIKE A ****ING MORRON. I iwhs i was normal. I wish i was jsut ****ing normal.

I ****ing hate seeing bun cry. It makes me feel so ****ing guilty. I cant leave her. Even if its for the best, ill do anything. Ill be whoever she wants. I just camt lose her. I dont know why. Ive been dating her almost 2 years now. This is my first long term irl REAL real relationship. We used to be so happy. I just want everything to go back to how it was. Everytime i think about us breaking up i think about her or about her basement (where me and her spent most of out time 2gether) i want to ****ing cry. I jsut start thinking about all my memories with her and i juwt wish she never met me. Maybe she would be happier.

I wish i would just stop making excuses and do what im told and do whats right. I wish i would stop feeling bad for myself. I wish i would just be more considerate of others.

thankyou

Of course i still love her, with everyhting in my heart. But i know shell break up with me. She said that if i made another mistake again she would. And i doubt shell be happy to know ive been smoking for two months behind her back without her knowing.

Wouldnt you break up w/ someone who constantly lies behind you back and breaks your trust??

Idk bra 😻 i would break up w/ me im kind of an asshole

did it get better when you ended it

okkkkaytthank you gen