broke up with my boyfriend though which is like the one self respecting decision i've probably made in forever though. so that's a yay. even though its proven to be a huge burden on my mental health because holy balls they do not prepare you for breaking up w people you wanted kids w in highschool

so thats whatever. was a whole thing. don't even want to think about how horrible that whole month was. never count on an ex to respect you after a breakup 😭

also have the worst fp situation... save me. save me. its so dick and ball

i downloaded the premium version of the bpd that kills you. amount of times i've gotten the impulse to drop out --> over like 30 times

shit got so bad i got appointments with a therapist And a school counselor. im doubling up bro.

i use this site to vent smmmmmm... do you remember how we used to run ❤️. i DO journal i just like to be seen and heard sometimes even by just passerbys. also bc i know no one will judge me here. because its flipanim

how i feel knowing i can self-diagnose bpd . ****kk dem kids who say you can't. i literally can. im doing it rn. so suueeeeee meee!

^ past therapist / counselors have agreed. with me on this. i just don't need a psych eval right nowwwwwww.... wwww...

imagine i do and they diagnose me with Awesome Dis Order. oh SNAP.

smth that peeves me is when i go online and i see posts that are like... ohhhh bpd is the disorder when you loveeee tooo muuuchh eeuuuu euu ❤️❤️❤️❤️ all i ever wanted was to be loved euu eu ❤️❤️❤️ like pleaaseeeee bro stoppp. like ok Yes i have a crippling hunger and desire for connection that makes me hurt myself and others but when phrased like that it 1. romanticizes the rest of the bullshit that comes with bpd and 2. enables people with bpd to think its ok to give into destructive impulses and embrace symptoms instead of learning how to live With them because its "all out of LOVE!!!!!" which is a SUPPPERRR shitty mindset. --> because actually no. i don't believe thats true, I believe the reason people hurt eachother isn't out of love, it's out of fear of losing it. it's out of insecurity, or miscommunication, or misinterpretation, or just out of plain selfishness. and that logic doesn't just go to people w bpd it pretty much applies to everyone / since i know the disorder is already so badly stigmatized

oops i got into rant mode

favorite person! its a bpd kind-of exclusive term , it's essentially a person I develop an intense fixation on , which can turn really obsessive and dependent and mutually destructive if left unchecked. if you know what it means to have an anxious attachment style, it's essentially That with one specific person. except in this case for ppl with bpd its enhanced by a lot of self sabotaging behaviors

yw!

that means so much to me thank you