None of my family know about this shit, nor most of my friends. I don't like talking about my issues, but I think I'm gonna empty so emotional bottles rq. I'm 15 now, I turned 15 on the ninth of June, I am still a god damn kid, but at least I'm trying to be a decent human being, I don't feel comfortable usually in dresses or sweat pants I feel most comfortable in a pair of jeans and a flannel, or in summer attire, even if it's winter, I don't mind wearing funny outfits like maid dresses sometimes for my friends. I just want to be comfortable around people and not want to worry about being judged for wearing something I usually don't wear, but felt like wearing. I don't wanna be nit-picked for being distant when the person is always bring up old stuff and holding it against me, or if there always going from being extremely passive aggressive to being nice with a snap of a finger. I don't wanna be ganged up on because I decide to not voice my opinion, or state how I feel.

Even if I do decide to state how I feel, my feeling are shoved aside and treated like nothing but scum. Even if I want to talk and be brave enough to say how I feel about a subject that my opinion is wanted on, I get only shown passive aggression, and that I have no worth to people, just someone to play with, then be abandoned, or abused. This next one is gonna get into harder topics I don't want to have to worry about how someone with try to manipulate me to get their way, and destroy my reputation in the process, make me seem like I have no purpose and treat me like shit because I decided to fxcking drink to relax and have fun, only to end up getting screwed by a guy while inebriated. I didn't think that I'd end up having panic attacks for a week straight and relapse cutting myself. Cutting myself is one of the few outlets I have that helps me get over things faster, issue is apperantly I end up going deep enough to where they need stitches.

BUT HEYYYYY I can dress wounds pretty well by myself now, hell I can even stop the bleeding pretty fast, and luckily for me I study the human body when I get bored so I know where it's easiest to go deep, and not as visible or deadly haha. Now onto being pressured about nudes and stuff like that haha-

I don't wanna give you nudes to make it up to you, ESPECIALLY after you sent me 2 pictures of 2 different 16-year-old girls, I don't care if your mad at me because my friend made racist jokes that I didn't even know were racist. I can't change what I do but I'm happy I didn't give you nudes, because either way laws were broken, you could have gotten in trouble for distribution of cp, and just to think that I even debated giving you those makes me sick, especially after I told you my age with no hesitation. The fact you got upset with me after I asked how old you were was another major red flag, you kept doging that damn question until you said you were 16 yourself. But the hesitancy you had, makes me wonder if you were older than you said you were. I get it you were mad because my friend said something's he shouldn't have, oh and I chewed his ass out for it once I was told it was racist, I'm a naive person sometimes who just doesn't realize that people are saying and doing idiotic things.

Ohoho I'm not even gonna even start ranting about that fxcking 28yr old guy that I'm pretty sure was trying to screw me or get himself off in someway. I'm just done with the world.

Yeah I think I'm done for now