constructive criticism plz
by:
AnimatedStuff 
791
791
16.07.2019
15 comments
AnimatedStuff[OP]
16.07.2019 10:05
LinkIn the start of the book, the protagonist, Odd, woke up at five o'clock from a dream about "dead bowling-alley employees." He got up and set off for his work at the Pico Mundo Grille. When he walked outside, he was greeted by Penny Kallisto simply standing in front of his door, not saying a thing. He noticed that instead of her usual joyfulness, today she looked solemn. Penny turned and led Odd to the front yard. She handed Odd something that resembled a conch. He held it to his ear and instead of hearing the sea, he heard the sounds of a beast. Penny then led odd onto the public sidewalk and they both just stood there. Odd sensed that evil was coming. After a few minutes of nothing, a car drove around the corner at only a few miles per hour. When Odd saw the driver, he recognized him as Harlo Landerson, a former classmate of his. Harlo was delivering newspapers. Odd waved to Harlo, and Harlo asked Odd how he was. Odd replied that he was bleak and confused. Harlo asked why, and if there was anything that he
AnimatedStuff[OP]
16.07.2019 10:06
Linkcould do. Odd told him that it was something he had already done. Odd then described to Harlo exactly what he knew that he did to Penny. Harlo had murdered her. After hearing what Odd had to say, Harlo ran. Harlo and Odd got in a wrestling match and both fell into the deep end of a pool. In the end of it, Odd was in the middle and Harlo was at the edge. They both got out and they ran into the house of which the pool was in the yard. Harlo ran into a child's bedroom and seized him by the foot. Odd protected the boy and Harlo and Odd started throwing things. Later, the police arrived, and Harlo got taken away. Odd talked to the police chief for a while before changing and going to work. On the way, he sees three shadows. However, the shadows have no source. Odd called them Bodachs. The first time Odd had heard this word, a six year old boy used it. As soon as the boy said the word, he was killed. Odd arrived at work, and noticed that the Bodachs had all joined together. Later, a Bodach entered the diner.
AnimatedStuff[OP]
16.07.2019 10:06
LinkOdd described it as looking "half man and half canine, with no discernable features." It looked at all the patrons, seeming to show varying levels of interest in them. Soon, a new customer walked in and sat down at the counter. Immediately, the Bodach focused intently on the new arrival. Odd nicknames the man "The Fungus Man," due to his complexion and his yellow hair, which resembled mold. Odd felt that this man was suspicious. It was in part because of the Bodachs interest in him, but also because of his instinct. The Fungus Man's smile was relentless. Odd believed that someone who smiled in such a way "was a simpleton- or a deciever with something to hide."
AnimatedStuff[OP]
16.07.2019 10:07
Linkgive me constructive criticism or feedback
I right now it's ONE. If paragraph, try separatearing then into a
Introductory statement
Alll the facts and stuff
Then confusion
When your teache reads this, she might not wanna read it cause all she sees is a lot of words, nut if u have paragraphs,you may get more points and I report is supposed to have paragraphs anyway
*Im such a nerd
And the start is kinds wrong, your supposed to put
Ex;
In the book FlipSnim by Donut head,the protagonist who's name was Odd, blah blah blah
We don't start with the book and author in my school. And in the thing we have to type it in we can't do paragraphs :P
You could proBably make them into paragraphs because then all they'd see is periods and words which means it might be kinda hard to read. Put commas and a few paragraphs
Other than that it has amazing details