i don’t want to make it seem that i just don’t want to take my close friends’ advice, it’s just hard for me to understand. i know that those who try to reach out and help have good intent but sometimes the advice given is unclear to me, i need actual one at a time steps to take in order to heal and be better i feel like i need some sort of more intense therapy, a place where they could rewire the way i think so i can have a different perspective on life, a change so big that it opens up my eyes to how miserably im living because right now it doesn’t feel real, i don’t feel emotions strongly enough to care anymore and obviously there’s no magical therapist on green twitter but i feel at least getting some feedback would be a good way to start and hopefully soon i can try and reach out to somewhere and get the help i need

i love my family, friends, and supporters a lot and i know me being in this terrible state of mind is painful for them to watch and im glad i can care so much about those around me but i also need to start caring about myself because that’s where it all starts. i need to learn to be able to say im gonna change and actually try to make the change instead of giving up because if you know me you know ill say sorry just to do it again and god i really need to get my shit straight and fix it if i can better myself and be happier first i can work on my other personal issues and get myself back into the headspace i should be in. a POSITIVE headspace, or at least a mindset where im actually trying to recover because i tire myself out

any feedback is appreciated, i just want some insight from people here, i wanna make the big step to reach out and get actual help soon, if you know the type of place that would work best for me if there are any please lmk, i’d be glad to take suggestions, ill do anything if it means healing even if it’s just a small step