ive improved. although ashamed by it at first, i missed you. i wanted everything we had back to normal. i wanted you.realizing it would never happen i attempted to move on, i went back to the guy who helped me through some things and forced myself to develop feelings for him since he had liked me since the 6th grade. hell i didnt even like him until i realized he had a sweet personality, just like he had when we were kids.i did it to make you jealous. i wanted you back. i gave you my everything. i just wanted you back. but he cared for me . and i was stupid to want you back. come october i didnt care for you any longer. it was him that i cared for. towards you i felt. a strong sense of loathing.i loathed you. what you were. who you were to me. until he hurt me unlike any other. and for the one he reassured me not to worry about. i just wanted to be cared for and yet he treated me worse than you.

i tried to forget him. you. her. but you were still there. hanging out with the people who cared for me when we were together, just about 30 feet away. i realized what i had done wrong. what caused you to despise me. and i couldnt. i still cant forgive myself. im with someone new. someone better. who treats me like a princess. who sees me as a goddess. and yet i still find you on my mind affecting the way i think. i just wish i could apologize. tell you everything that has happened. explain what i did wrong. try to fix the severed connection. put the hatred to rest. but i cant. i can never go up to you. i know you hate me. i know you never want to speak to me again. and yet i cant grasp the fact as to why i feel the need to find a way to speak to you alone once more. you cared and helped me through a rough summer. you took and kept as well as cared for my last bit of innocence. i cant forgive myself for the way i treated you. and i know a repeated apology will never fix the problem. but all id like to say

is that im sorry

i shouldve treated you right when i had the chance A.V.

it still hurts to say your name thats why i only say your last