Alright..I'm gonna take a break..

But that was the first warning of upcoming abuse before she started getting FAR more direct. My mother wanted my family to be a cookie-cutter family. She wanted me to dress a certain way, surround me with certain company, etc. But eventually my hobbies and interests changed, and not to her liking. So my mother started to talk down to me. And if she wasn't shaming my decisions she was shaming my very person. Most of the time she would talk behind my back but somehow the words always found their way back to me in the end. Inn my mother's eyes I was an..irresponsible disappointment . I was a liar who was always sneaking off to do bad things with awful people. Now, I'm not saying im a saint I'm not perfect, but not all my actions were worthy of that inconsiderate reaction.

You try to tell your friends that they aren't so bad, you even try to convince yourself as a means of rejecting the pain. But abuse is abuse. No matter what color you choose to paint over it.No matter of bad experience can justify ABUSING YOUR FAMILY. I know I've been beating around the bush and holding off on explaining everything she did, but that's hard. And that's a feeling I know everyone in and outside my shoes has had. It's hard to come out about something you thought was okay for your whole life.It's hard to admit the truth.But that's why I decided to not keep quiet anymore No more fear, or worry, or talking myself out of it. I will be for you what my mother wasn't for me. Transparent, honest, and a good example. I still remember some...gestures she made towards me some..words encouraging the wrong thing. she would linger around my person in a way that gave me nightmares. A CHILD should not know that kind of fear

When you have a mother..you're told a lot of things growing up. You're told that your mother is caring and sweet, that she loves you from the moon and back but..in my situation those were lies. My mother was hardly a mother to me I called her mother because I respected her. I was raised to respect everyone. But make no mistake, my mother set a poor example for her MANY husbands, and children. I can't pinpoint when the abuse started but for all I know it may as well have been going on for a lifetime. And I know she's been through a lot in her life,, and I know those experiences have been manifested into something much...deeper. I have to understand that. That's what I told myself. When family hurts you you naturally feel inclined to defend their actions

I can't sleep so..time to explain why I hate everything