I feel like I need to write it all down and vents of sorts seem to work better for me if I post them rather than keep them to myself. If I were to write it and not share it, it still feels like I'm still keeping it inside.

And I'm not looking for attention. I made this anim probably the least attractive as I could.

Okay. Depression for me is like a never ending cycle. The worst roller coaster in existence.

It goes: 1. Feel better 2. Feel like things might actually be okay from now on 3. Small thing that primes my brain to start thinking depressedly. 4. Big thing that results in a mental breakdown. 5. Wanting to die. 6. Bit of time passes 7. Repeat

If I was sad all the time, it would be... Somewhat tolerable, but the fact that I get introduced to the false hope every time, and get shot down every time is unbearable.

In fact, I would probably be dead by now if it weren't for my best friend and now girlfriend and future wife. She is really the only reason life is worth living anymore. She is also the reason I'm going to the hospital. It's an investment in our future.

Anyways, that's all. This isn't 18+ because I don't think it's exactly morbid or dark or anything. Just matter of fact.