Why are hamsters like cigarettes? They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. What starts with "e", ends with "e" and only has one letter in it? e. You know what's really odd? Numbers that aren't divisible by two. Why did the turtle cross the road? He didn't. There was a lot of traffic so he thought better of it. A visibly tired and stressed guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks, "Long day?" "No, all days are 24 hours long," the guy replies, amazed at the bartender's lack of education. What do you call one hundred rabbits walking backwards? Anything you like, they can't understand you. What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a llama? An animal abuse lawsuit. Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he only uses the finest ingredients. How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an axe. What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor

still typig

Where's my tractor? What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend? A bullet. An eagle and a squirrel are sitting in a tree watching a farmer plough his field. The squirrel turns to the eagle but doesn't say anything because squirrels can't talk. The eagle then eats the squirrel because he's a bird of prey. Why didn't Mary go to the party? Because she wasn't invited. How do you kill a blonde? There are many ways but all of them are wrong because murder is illegal. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. A guy walks into a bar... Then he gets a drink and leaves. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick. Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Knock, knock. Who's there? Steve Steve who? Steve proceeds to break down into tears because his Grandmother's Alzheimer's has advanced to the stage where she no longer remembers him. What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands? Probably still Santa Claus, however

he dosent exist so... An Irishman walks out of a bar. Chuck Norris walks into a bar. He's treated with great respect because he's such a talented actor. Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a 'V' formation, one line is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is? Because there are more geese in that line. Why is a laser beam like a goldfish? Because neither one can whistle. How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her. Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them they disappear. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall... And a pretty good spring and summer too. What's black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them is a police officer. What's the difference between a rabbit and a grape? They're both purple, except the rabbit isn't. A horse walks into a bar... Several people get up and leave as they recognize the potential danger in the situation.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression the other day. Which made me sad. My friend always complains that my jokes have irrelevant punchlines. I wonder why. Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers aren't sentient and are incapable of feeling fear. What's brown and sticky? A stick. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because of her repeated absences and stealing. What's green, red, orange, purple, blue and yellow? Colors. Mary had a little lamb... The doctor was worried due to the fact that Mary is human. Knock, knock. Who's there? The postman. The postman who? Look do you want this parcel or not? You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony. What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? One's a musical instrument, the other's an animal. What's orange and tastes like an orange? An orange. What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall over if you hit them repeatedly with an

K thats all folks