i just wonder.. if anyone even has feelings for me, if they are hesitatn.. or scared to tell me... i mean, i would feel terrible declining but also i need to think hard about who i would want to spend my life with...

probably just nighttime misery. i’ll get over it in the morning. i’ll get over being lonely. i’ll get over (irl) friends who don’t seem to care. i.. i told one of my friends that i used to try to cut... all she said was “oh yeah me too” or something like that. i mean, i didnt want her to really worry, but what kind of a response is that?.. honestly, i forgive her because its hard to know what to say, but still... sometimes i wonder what would happen if i just... ended it. i know people would miss me, but how many people, really? how many? they could just go off to their other friends, forget about me... i just feel so lonely.

i wish i had more friends. more people to talk to. i wish i knew how to like... meet people... and talk to them. but im just so weird. in a dislikeable way. im a horrible person. people would get over me quickly. if i were gone. theyd forget about me. theyd forget theyd forget theyd forget