Oscar: Wade... How do I begin to explain Wade? Monty: Wade is flawless. Morale: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000. Chase: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan. Jace: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

Oscar: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something? Wade: Nope, absolutely not. Monty: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through. Morale: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life. Chase: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. Jace: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

Oscar: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Wade: What if it bites me and it dies!? Monty: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Wade, learn to listen. Morale: What if it bites itself and I die? Chase: That’s voodoo. Jace: What if it bites me and someone else dies? Wade: That’s correlation, not causation. Morale: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? Chase: That’s kinky. Oscar: Oh my God.

Oscar: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke. Wade: Okay, but what is updog? Monty: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish. Morale: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released. Chase: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden. Jace: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter. Oscar: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs. Morale: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current. Monty: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway. Wade: What’s a henway?? Oscar: Oh, about five pounds.

Oscar: We need to distract these guys Wade: Leave it to me Wade: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Monty, Morale, and Chase: *Immediately begin arguing* Jace, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

Oscar: Time for plan G. Wade: Don’t you mean plan B? Oscar: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Monty: What about plan D? Oscar: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Morale: What about plan E? Oscar: I’m hoping not to use it. Chase dies in plan E. Jace: I like plan E.

Oscar: Who the **** added me to a ****ing group chat? Wade: >:O language Monty: Yeah watch your ****ing language Morale: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MONTY THE **** WORD? Chase: 'The **** word'. Jace: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Monty: Oh my god they censored it Chase: Say ****, Jace. Monty: Do it, Jace. Say ****.

'Can I copy the homework?' Oscar: I can help you with it! Wade: Yeah, sure. Monty: Bold of you to assume I did the homework. Morale: lol nope. Chase: Wait, we had homework?!?!?! Jace: *Read 5:55pm*

Oscar: Hewwo. Wade: Hihiiiiii! Monty: Greetings, Humans. Chase: Three kinds of people. Morale: I want pudding. Oscar: Four kinds of people. Jace: WHAT’S UP ****ERS? Chase: Five kinds of people.

Oscar: Just be yourself. Wade: 'Be myself'? Oscar, I have one day to win Monty over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me? Morale: Couple weeks. Chase: Six months. Jace: Jury’s still out. Wade: See, Oscar? Wade: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

*The squad right before Oscar's wedding* Wade: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend. Monty: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too! Morale: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well Chase: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND Jace, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

Oscar: Dumbest scar stories, go! Wade: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Monty: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Morale: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Chase: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Jace: Jace: I have emotional scars.