E (Sorry for this eevee)
by:
Stickman-animator 
432
432
26.12.2020
44 comments
Stickman-animator[OP]
26.12.2020 16:27
LinkI hate cats. There, I said it. Now, while we wait for the internet to descend on me like Sauron’s army, I shall explain why.
Anyone that knows me knows I am not an animal person. Years of nameless, non-descript goldfish, hamsters, rabbits and guinea pigs have created in me a passive indifference to most pets and instilled in me a very “meh” attitude to anything cute and fluffy. I just don't get it. However, there is one thing in particular that baffles me beyond belief, and that's cat videos. Fawning over cats has to be the biggest mystery in the history of the internet, so here are some reasons why you should stop treating cats like balls of innocent, do-no-wrong goodness.
Cats don't understand 'no'
Let's be real here. Cats have an attitude problem. No other animals are as moody, temperamental or as difficult to please as cats. You might think you're investing all that time and energy into building a beautiful relationship with your pet. You aren't. Your cat has absolutely no interest in you as a pers
Stickman-animator[OP]
26.12.2020 16:27
LinkYou won't be able to train your cat, and they don't have any loyalty to you. This is because cats are naturally unresponsive to punishment; they only respond to praise and rewards. So no matter how many times you spray Mr Bojangles with water for clawing the sofa, he'll never learn.
Cats are arrogant
They definitely have a bad attitude, but even worse, they think they're better than you. They prance around like they own the place, peeing everywhere and expecting you to clean it up for them. They know you will wait on them hand and foot and provide them with a constant supply of food. If a human treated you like that, would you accept it? Of course not.
Stickman-animator[OP]
26.12.2020 16:28
LinkCats are manipulative
You probably know that cats purr. An interesting fact that you might not know is that cats also have a “cry” which they use to manipulate humans. This cry is strikingly similar to the cry of a baby or a small child, and humans are programmed to respond to this and try to help. If anything, this proves that even cats know they are evil creatures, and they have to impersonate our children to try and manipulate us into doing their bidding.
Stickman-animator[OP]
26.12.2020 16:28
LinkCats make you more stupid
Okay, it’s not cats themselves that make you more stupid. It’s the cat videos. The average person has probably spent 7,638 hours watching cat videos. And by spent, I mean wasted. What do you have to show for those hours? Maybe a shortcut to the cutest cat video on the internet, but nothing of real value. You could have read 300 life-changing books in that time, gone on 47 enlightening walks through nature, had countless deep and meaningful conversations with friends and family. It’s not the internet that is ruining our brains, it’s cat videos. Mindless, dull, repetitive and completely devoid of any value, these are the bane of my life and I can’t understand why anyone wants to waste their time watching them.
Cats won’t make eye contact with you
If they accidentally do lock eyes with you, they will blink and narrow their eyes in an evil-villain-caught-in-the-midst-of-a-dastardly-plan-type way. If that’s not sketchy, I don’t know what is.
Stickman-animator[OP]
26.12.2020 16:29
LinkCats think you are completely incapable
That’s right, cats think you are stupid. They hunt and bring you dead animals (we’ll get to their sadistic, murderous instincts in a moment), because they think you are too stupid to catch a bird or a mouse on your own. So, not only do you want to share your bed with an oversized rodent, you praise it for bringing smaller, dead (or half-dead) rodents into your house. Nice.
Cats are the favoured pets of witches
Everyone knows witch + broomstick + black cat. And if Disney has taught us anything, it's that witches are inherently evil and don't just want to put a spell on you, they want to kill you (Sleeping Beauty wouldn't have been much of story if Maleficent had done her job properly). Enter cats. The perfect heartless sidekick; they don't care whether you live or die, as long as they're getting some tuna at the end of it.
EeveeLove1236
26.12.2020 16:33
LinkI HATE YOU SO MUCH DOGS ARE BARF AND I WISH ALL OF THEM DIED
EeveeLove1236
26.12.2020 16:33
LinkCats don’t hate me shut up ya know what I’m reporting you
PuppypartcatQueen
26.12.2020 16:35
LinkI mostly like cats
PuppypartcatQueen
26.12.2020 16:38
LinkI'm unfollowing you because you're being rude
Stickman-animator[OP]
26.12.2020 16:39
Linkhow am i being rude?
It's true
Cats can trigger asthma and carry a parasite
EeveeLove1236
26.12.2020 16:43
LinkNOT LIKE DOGS ARE INNOCENT
Stickman-animator[OP]
26.12.2020 16:45
LinkThey are innocent
Even they know who to not trust.
Here's why that's not the full story. It seemed so cut and dry when last year, researchers at Vanderbilt University declared that yes, dogs were, in fact, smarter than cats. ... Specifically, the study found that dogs have about 530 million cortical neurons compared to 250 million for cats.
PuppypartcatQueen
26.12.2020 17:10
LinkSaying bad things about cats that's being rude to animals you're basically doing that so stop
PuppypartcatQueen
26.12.2020 17:11
LinkI like cats and dogs but I don't really like dogs
PuppypartcatQueen
26.12.2020 17:13
LinkStop no one cares delete all these drawings we don't care if we don't want to get in a fight with you or did you hurt okay I'm trying to be nicely to ask you I don't have to use Force can you please stop and delete all the drawings about dogs now I'm going to have to use Force
-Good-Vibes-
26.12.2020 17:24
LinkWHO CARES THOSE ARE THINGS THAT ANYONE ON THE WORLD CAN CARRY
PLUS DOGS CARRY TICKS AND FLEAS
oh and cats are smarter even if dogs were better it would probably be by a few instincts/skilletry
-Good-Vibes-
26.12.2020 17:25
Linkand a cat that is slowly blinking means your having good communication :) maybe i am not entirely sure
PuppypartcatQueen
26.12.2020 17:29
LinkHe's just copying and pasting
datdood
26.12.2020 18:03
Linkhey evee its YOUR opinion its ok as long as your not harassing or hurting people
Infinity999
28.12.2020 22:23
LinkWell I agree a little bit about the cat videos, they are a bit too much. Your opinion
isntead of arguing over what animal is better (theyre all as good btw)
how about we just
stfu
Yeah that actually sounds better
Thanks for the practice
[Minigun revving up sound]
c r a p
Comment removed
Why are you guys acting like its the end of the world because he/she doesn't like cats
I love cats, but if you hate them, I dont really care, ngl cats arnt the best thing ever.
CAN YOU GUYS SHUT THE ****ED UP *****ES AND *****Y ASS DICK HEAD PEOPLE AND YOU GUYS HAVE OOOOOO I THINK CATS ARE THE BEST OOOOO IM REPORTING YOU GOOO GOO GAG GA *****
THAT YOU GUYS YA *****ES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
