haiimy names finn i’m 14 i was diagnosed with autism when i was around 5 and didn’t rlly know i had it until i was 10 also my adhd which i got diagnosed with around last year rambling abt this bc i can uhhh tw for mentions of abuse kinda ?? sh, ableism, all that jazz mainly based on my own experiences so don’t come at me

being autistic has negatively impacted my life in ways little me could never know i’m considered “high functioning”, outdated ass term but whatever, basically meaning i can still function as neurotypical i masked my symptoms for years constantly being told to just “act normal” when i was younger i was prone to meltdowns, usually from being overstimulated, and i wasn’t able to verbalize my feelings. i was considered the “weird girl”. sticking to my own things, not really interacting with my classmates, and whenever i did i would do something that would just drive them away. eventually in kindergarten i would be put into the special ed classroom, my teacher was one of the nicest people alive, she genuinely tried to understand. i’m still friends with a lot of people i met in that class.

but i still had meltdowns, usually so bad to a point where i would harm myself, whether it be slamming my head into the floor or biting my arm until it bled. usually a male teacher would hold me down while i was sobbing. i had bruises. i pissed myself on a few occasions because they wouldn’t let me go to go to the bathroom. i was bullied for being weird, hearing adults around me call me retarded, or somehow “broken”. as i got older i started masking more, resisting the urge to stim, going non verbal, forcing myself to look at people. i hated it.

in around 2nd grade i met a girl, bralynn, we were both autistic, and she also had a prosthetic arm. sometimes she would let me draw on it. i could be myself around her. but then she moved, never saw her again. in around 2021ish i started asking around to see if anyone remembered her, since i couldn’t find any pictures of her. no one knew her, which i expected. she was in the special ed room so obviously no one would rlly know. i asked someone else who was in there and their response was, “who?” took me a bit but i realized it was a severe case of psychosis, which is insanely common with autistic people.

i probably some kind of personality disorder specifically bpd / borderline personality disorder the reason i’m bringing this up is because bpd and autism can have similar symptoms, such as dissociation, mood fluctuations, paranoid thinking, etc. i have bad attachment issues, i cling onto someone i like and if they leave i fall apart. i constantly have the fear that those i care about will disappear, or are plotting against me. i. don’t know what i am at this point, i don’t really recognize myself anyone. i’m worried that if i do one thing wrong, or if i even show symptoms of my autism, people will leave me.

okramble over bye everypony :3