by madds buckley. ugh. /venting ahead, cw suicide, depression i knew i wasn't ready for a relationship, i never have been and i dont think i ever will be. im broken. so severely depressed i went from stagnant for years to rotting for even longer. i am irreparable and was doomed from the start. lonely and unlovable. i only know how to handle people hurting me, i don't know how to love or be loved. i lose everyone i care about, and am incapable of loving those who care about me now because of all the loss and isolation in my most crucial and malleable years. the foster care system ****ed me up, my biological family ****ed me up, my friends ****ed me up. my mental illnesses have especially ****ed me up. i've been contemplating suicide lately, but i can't hurt my Vince, the few friends i have however distant they are and how little i can feel towards them, and especially my adoptive parents, i've failed them enough, they don't deserve this. i wish i'd never been loved by anyone, i just want it to be over