this didnt look as cool as the sketch or anything. just a dumb vent post but not a sad vent post just like idk.. im kinda scared? last year was hard, i dont think ive ever been as sad as last year. it wasnt even being sad? it was just that looming fear of disappointing everyone who cared about you and spent money on you growing up. for most of the school year i just kind of. gave up. i tried to get good grades but everything felt pointless. i couldnt tell anyone about it. i got in a really toxic relationship (not romantic) and it just made things worse

just being around them drained me and made me feel like i was the one just ****ing up and i was just being dramatic. i would get texts about things i did that pissed them off and then come to school to them acting friendly and pretending nothing happened. i felt like nobody even knew i existed, i would come to school and then come home realizing i hadnt spoken a word. i wouldnt say i was depressed, its a pretty big word but probably something slightly not as bad. ehhhj idk this wasnt supposed to be about me venting i actually had other things to say but now its awkward

whatever. uhhj i hate pulling people into posts whether good or bad because i always feel like it pressures other people to have to comment and be nice when sometimes? sometimes you got nothin to say and i hate making people uncomfortable blehg but uhh to the americans: you guys are kind of the reason my entire year didnt suck ass. yall were really the only people i was able to talk to, even if it was just dumb shit, it really pulled me out of my stupid "ohhhj everything is pointless!!" state. i dont really like being emotional but i really love you guys, you're really the only ones who seemed to care about the dumb shit i said

this is why i should have a strict 9pm bedtime shit gets WEIRD past 9:30

EVEN if u werent in the gc at the time i still love and apreicate you you're still cool as **** (directed)