It’s not that I hate him I just- like he’s not my main concern rn. It’s someone else. And I think that’s a bad thing I’ve been feeling that split and I know people get scared when I do I feel like I’ll crack at any second I can hear it in the back of my head about how annoying this situation is. I can’t bear the burden of being ignored by them They aren’t even really ignoring me I’m sure,,they’re probably just busy..or tired of me! Which is understandable! But it makes me want to kill myself! They don’t need to know that tho. That’s guilt tripping Even if it’s my true feelings I’ll only hurt the person I admire the most It’s strange that it’s not my own partner though

I make him upset when I’m upset I can tell in his tone of voice, and I know it gets annoying for him What do I do He’s my main concern rn Even above my own partner How horrible is that- I wish I really wish I just had some meds to help tide over these waves Bi polar moment!!!!!! ****ING KILL YOURSELF GODDAMNNNNN UGHH UR ANNOYING LIKE WTF

Any I constantly wonder why no one wants to talk to me lmao!! Understandable I didn’t ask for this The best option for me is to kill myself to be honest But I’m holding onto the false hope that one day! Somehow! I’ll be able to get my dream! A nice lil house where my job is art! Just art! And people KNOW ME! FROM. MY ART! And I go to therapy and take my medication! My dream isn’t that far away I just have to reach for it I’m so tired of being disappointed I don’t even want to live till next year if SOMETHING doesn’t change Something HAS to change something will I know it

This situation really is annoying I don’t know why I didn’t just explain why I did what I did in the first place Saying that about someone who was struggling It really put me off I’m aware most people aren’t exactly good But wow- And it’s situation after situation after situation The thunder The misunderstanding The jokes I clearly can’t make for the life of me It’ll just keep piling up and I’ll just get more and more upset and I’ll have less and less patience for them the more it happens

If I could just be honest for one day without ruining the few relationships I have left God I’d be so relieved I’m starting to get to the point where I believe no one deserves patience any more if they won’t be patient with me

My heart still sinks when I see someone close to me When I see that we haven’t talked in a few months When I felt them losing interest What did I do what happened? What could’ve happened differently? Why is everyone laughing at me???

No no no. No. It doesn’t matter. Sometimes. Some people..no that’s wrong If people really are put through hell and back to come out on top. Then there wouldn’t be suicides. I must be one of those people. I must be someone who can’t be saved. People like me don’t deserve a place in this world after all I remember every little thing people say about me About my cooking about my drawing about the way I dress How I come off as backhanded or blunt How I sound rude and annoyed all the time I don’t mean to Please don’t look at me like that I’m not a mean person I don’t know how to fix something I can’t see And when it comes down to it I think “maybe you’re just being sensitive?” I mean everyone gets sensitive I get sensitive about every little thing but I don’t react to it more than half the time..well..most..yes. When it truly bothers me that someone has said something And they explain that they didn’t mean it that way I usually get it

It’s different when I try to explain though right? You can shut down and get all ****in annoyed because I EXPLAINED it wasn’t MEANT to sound that way? I’m sorry you feel that way? I apologized the right way and you STILL have to ***** about it every chance you get,,,while I have to accept your apology and deal with it? I hate that! I hate that IM the one who deals with it and YOU get to go off and throw a damn tantrum- **** DUDE IM SORRY FOR TRYING TO ACT LIKE A DAMN HUMAN BEING INSTEAD OF STARING AND WATCHING LIKE I USUALLY DOOO!!! I swear I see it I see the hypocrisy in what I’m saying But never have I ever experienced the damn patience that I give them

I just want to hear his voice already I know that’ll calm me down I know that’ll make me so happy And every thing will fade away Once I’m thinking straight again I can find a solution to my problem peacefully And if that still doesn’t work I’ll be done with the relationship all together! Putting so much effort into something that’s so difficult to maintain is hard anyway Understanding women is ****ing hard

I’m tired and I miss my dogs I don’t understand why it hurts so much to keep this up If I’d just been honest.. If I could be honest with those close to me No no..I’m honest a lot.. If I could get results from that honesty that’d be even better

I’m hungry I’m going to eat,,

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