Its only been 2 days since severe punishment but i just feel lonely and shitty, people say that "If you don't do that, do this, i have no choice but to get rid of your freinds.". Then i say, ' well that makes me feel like shit. ' well, they say " well dont take it that way. " but now my brain just thinks about how shitty you are for seperating yourself from people you feel like you can trust.

And i blame myself for anything that happens- im just pressuring myself, being hard on myself on every situation. Just breaking into crying, i just want to lay down and go to sleep, just so i can disconnect from reality and not think about anything. ive been bottling emotions because ' im not allowed to show attitude ' even if i have a rage just bubbling and they're just now popping out- which i just ball up and swallow it yet again. just to make its more unstable.

damn. i sound like an attention seeker, im sorry. might decide to delete this post. X

ended up making a more serious topic vent. regret it but im going to say it and i feel like its my own good

Breaking the tense vent area here but holy **** that made me feel better a tad bit lmao