Okay… I'm a slow typer, so if you want to leave and come back when I'm done, then go ahead.

Gosh, I hope this doesn't taint your image of me...

Okay. So, you know how I'm asexual? And how people are born with their sexuality? I… wasn't.

Allow me to explain.

I AM asexual. I don't feel sexual attraction, but... I used to. I was, at a young age, exposed to pornographic media. I was a very curious child, still am, but my curiosity for biology and anatomy took me down a dark path.

I succumbed to a crippling addiction before I even knew it, I was searching up that stuff every day. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please, retain your innocence.

I kept it a secret from my family because I knew they wouldn't approve, but they eventually found out. It was at that moment my chronic suicidal thoughts began.

I had become an outcast in my heavily Christian family. I started considering suicide, but I kept that from them too. There were a couple more incidents of me looking at that stuff, but the last time, the isolation finally broke me.

I had it power washed through my brain that any sexual activity was bad, and at that point, I just stopped feeling anything sexual. I'm sure there's a psychological reason for this, but at the moment, I thought it was a miracle… It was more like a curse.

I couldn't feel attracted to anyone. I could never experience a crush. Love was out of the equation. I started to feel isolated from my friends, my emotions nulled, and with my family still not trusting me, my suicidal thoughts intensified.

I had "friends", but I was stuck in my own mind, just going through the motions, wanting it all to end. I was pretty close until I met… someone. I won't say his name, but I felt like he got me.

I was… Happy. It had been so long since I felt happy. I became friends with his friends, but I was closest with him. My suicidal thoughts quieted down to a mere whisper.

That was two years ago. Recently, I became curious again. I wondered what was so appealing about pornography, so I searched it up. There was no reaction. So I went on with my day, but I was careless, and my mom found out, and she assumed I was still addicted.

And now I, apparently can't be trusted, and I can't tell my mom, because she hates everything related to the LGBTQ+ community. But, that's a vent for another day.

Thank you for hearing me out. I'm happy to get this off my chest. I also apologize for yesterday. I just didn't want this to be another random spiel. This was a significant, (and traumatic) era in my life, but I realize it could be interpreted as begging for attention, and, it kinda was. So, I once again, apologize.

And @theoscafe? I wanted to be a good sport. I never wanted to creep you out. I misread the situation and ended up messing it up. I was also adjusting to a new medication.

No, there's no excusing my behavior. Medicine or not, I should have just let it be... I hope you'll forgive me.

Oh, I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me, or for attention. I'm doing this for me. And... to clear some stuff up about me.

You serious?