There´s so many things that bother me so much I want to say and just finally let out so might as well do it here

-- God just my girlfriend hasnt responded in around 2 weeks or more and it screws with my head so bad I hate it I don´t understand I go from ´**** she hates me why wont she respond. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something out of line without realizing? Is she just busy maybe? ´ to ´stop being dumb calm down your just overthikning again she loves you and you love her she wont do anything to hurt you and you didnt make you mad´ ´she likley just busy or forgot´ THEN GOES BACK LIKE ´If she loved you she wouldnt forget shed make time´ to ´Maybe her parents took her phone or soemthing, maybe once back in school she will reply finally´ like just so much anxiety and rationalizing it I cannot

mainly at night shit I mean and when I had my period like at night the anxiety gets worse because my head gets so quiet trying to sleep that it starts thinking too much and can't sleep and I end up crying for a long time and messaging her instead of sleeping like i´ll end up messaging her and like 1 in the morning or like 11 at night She keeps saying she's needy. I finally saw her socials and yeah I had fun looking through them and saw that she hasn't been active on them that recently so maybe she's busy maybe her phone got taken away???? but looking through her stuff made me so happy she talked about me and said her best decision was getting a gf that melted my heart honestly like anxiety is no fun god I imagined finally meeting her and holding her one night and just started crying so hard I mean **** shes the one who made all the dumb love songs make sense she makes me feel like someone, she makes me feel meaningful she she's so amazing I miss her I want to tell her so much bu

I want to tell her so much but I don't want to bombarde her Mainly because like that would make it harder to rely I feel like and then maybe make it take longer idk?? I need her God I feel like thereś something wrong with me **** I suck at communicating I can't even tell her just how much she means to me Words and emotions and people and just everything is so hard goodness gracious

I got a phone recently and with my ADHD I lack control and I cant stand it I hate it about myself I am 100% hypersexual I don´t know if it´s because of trauma or what because I know it can be but god damn I cant with myself it makes me ****ing hate myself its so tiring and the impulsiveness I already have definitely does not help The thing is I feel liek my hormones control me like I see soemthing even a bit sexual or read something hear something ect and most times sudenlly I´m horny and most times I cant help masturbating like ugh and when I do I like to find stuff like for example photos videos audio´s,, so like whatever I can get my hands on and then I choose from there but like with my lack of control I did it on my phone and I followed some bad accounts on insta and maybe other socials?? AND GOD My Mom saw the recommended things and knew I was following something bad and I TRIED TO UNFOLLOW THEM after and I did but I guess I did not get them all and it wasnt even because I though

she would see, it was because I know its wrong mainly with my religion and honestly I don´t feel good about it at all and it feels like a dirty secret I should be shunned for idk??

The funny thing about being hypersexual is in the moment when im all hormonal my brain prob would honestly like be risky like if someone wanted sex in that moment I would prob let it happen, but the idea of actual sex in all honesty scares the shit out of me it sounds gross and not comfty like idk doesnt help that I was sexually abused in 2nd ass grade like what