I feel like i didnt get to live my life at all cuz i always had to pretend to be someone i wasnt a lot and i still do that sometimes but idk my life was also kind of ruined by this site and the internet in general but i think im stronger than before so thats ok i guess

Except nobody taught me how to function like an actual human being so when someone finally let me open up i wasnt sure what i was meant to do so i kind of hurt people that way amd i regret it a lot

I didnt know better but it still keeps me up at night sometimes because ive always wanted to be a nice person and ive always wanted people to like me and feel happy around me and i kind of just did the total opposite on accident and i never knew what i was doing was wrong which angers me because now it seems so obvious and im not sure why i was so dense and oblivious

Ive learned a lot but i still feel like im stuck in an endless loop of being 13 years old ovrr and over again it seems like everything is gettijg harder and im still the same persok i used to be

It feels like i havent grown at all mentally i just want to have fun and draw and roleplay but i am growing and i need a job and i need to save money and i need to think about my future

I dont know if anyone else feels like this

My perception of reality is super warped so thats probably why i feel this way and i still have a lot of unresolved issues that i dont understand somedays i just dont feel like a person at all and i pretend to be a fictional character and it feels real gor me and whenever someone tries to bring me out of that and make me face my problems i get very upset because i dont feel like im real i feel like i dont exist and all the people around me are kind of just hallucinations maybe? Idk how to describe it but i feel like everything happening to me is on purpose to build character like im some sort of story character and everything ive survived is because thats how i was written idk