because of my past relationship i never had to lead in anything so my significant other relied on me to do that even though i didn't know how to

if you can't tell i can't be seductive at all, i'm more of a gentle and sweet kind of person who needs someone else to handle the reins

so this put a lot of stress on me because i never had to deal with this i was giving 75% of what i had in the relationship and i rarely ever got anything back it was probably not even 75% more like 95%

plus they always needed affection all the time and i never got any back so i would just smile at them and keep working on stuff of course they would always guilt trip me and go off to have someone else pay attention to them which made me feel like what i was doing wasn't good enough

i felt like i wasn't enough and they never gave me very much back so i felt really bad i felt like i couldn't do anything right and so i decided to take a little break from them

when i told them they left our groupchat, sent goodbye messages to our friends, and threatened to kill themselves over it so this whole time i was upset because my mom committed suicide when i was really young so this hit me hard they know this and i personally think they used that against me to try and get me back

i was planning on trying it again after the new year but because i felt bad i moved it to after christmas

but like, bullshit move man i was a snotty mess yesterday and i think that i'm never gonna escape toxic romantic relationships ever now