(The regular intro plays, but this time it's followed up by a Western-themed opening. After the intro, the camera transitions into Edd, Matt, and Tom running through the rain.) Tom: Urgh, we need to get out of the rain! Edd: Let's hide in the museum! Matt: How do you know it won't follow us inside? Edd: Er... water hates learning! (The three rush into the museum and slam the door behind them.) Matt: Edd, the water followed us inside! You lied to me! (Tom shakes his head to dry his hair while Edd walks away to look around. As he walks, he looks around at the exhibits curiously. His walking stops when he sees a statue of Edward Gold that catches his eye excitedly. He looks down at the diary Edward wrote. He blows the dust off of it and looks at it.) Edd: Woah... The diary of Edward Gold... (Edd looks over to see Tom has locked Matt in a metal cage while he drinks a bottle of liquor.) Matt: Tom! Get me out of here! Tom: Nah. (Edd begins to read the diary.) Edd (narrating): The year was 18- (Edd's n

arration is briefly interrupted by a horse neighing.) Edd (narrating): -and I just arrived in the town of Spitbucket, USA on a very important mission. Edward: Pardon me, sir- Cowboy ("Ass Man"): You lookin' at my ass, boy? Edward: Excuse me? (Edward's face briefly becomes red until he looks down with a solemn expression.) Edward: Um... Cowboy ("Ass Man"): Well, YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! Hahaha! (The Ass Man runs away on a donkey, leaving Edward to cough in dust.) Edd (narrating): I decided that the old saloon would be a good place to start. Edward: This old saloon looks like a good place to start! (Edward opens the door to the saloon. He walks over to the bartender.) Barkeep: What'll it be? Edward: I'll have a bear, please! (A bear is placed on the counter and it roars at Edward. He screams in fear. The scene briefly cuts to Edd, who looks at the diary in confusion.) Edd: A bear? ...Oh! (The scene cuts back to Edward in the saloon.) Edward: I'll have a beer, please. (Todd puts a mug of beer on the

counter almost instantly.) Edward: Much better. (Edward takes a sip of the beer.) Edward: The name's Gold, Detective Edward Gold. I'm here looking for a member of the British Royal Family. (Edward puts a picture of Prince Matthew on the counter.) Edward: He's gone missing, you see. (The camera moves to show that Sheriff Thompson is leaning against the wall on the other side of the room.) Sheriff Thompson: Was he nailed to the floor? Edward: Umm.. No? (Sheriff Thompson walks over to Edward.) Sheriff Thompson: Then he was taken by bandits. (Sheriff Thompson takes a sip of liquor.) Edward: How do you know? Sheriff Thompson: Anything that ain't nailed down gets taken by bandits around here. (The scene cuts to the "Ass Man", who is on one knee grieving the loss of his donkey.) Cowboy ("Ass Man"): My ass! They stole my beautiful ass! (The scene cuts back to Edward and Sheriff Thompson.) Edward: Oh.. Have you told the sheriff? Sheriff Thompson: I am the sheriff. Edward: Ah, Sheriff Thompson! I was

told you'd be willing to help me. Sheriff Thompson: Sorry kid, but you ain't gettin' your friend back. Edward: Why? Sheriff Thompson: This town's got enough problems as it is. I ain't got time to deal with yours. Edward: Wait! What if I helped you clean up this town? Sheriff Thompson: I don't need your help! (A citizen bursts into the saloon in a panic.) Citizen: Sheriff! Sheriff! The bandits stole all the nails! Sheriff Thompson: Oh, I knew I should have nailed down those nails. They all called me crazy, but look what happens. (Edward gives the sheriff an excited look.) Sheriff Thompson: Fine. Edward: Yay! (The camera cuts to a black and white title card which says "MEANWHILE". After the title card, the scene cuts to the bandit's hideout, where they are laughing to themselves. Marco is hammering a wood plank onto the window.) Eduardo: Man, I love being a bandit! Marco: Si, amigo. Eduardo: ...what?

(Prince Matthew is seen scrambling in a metal cage.) Prince Matthew: Excuse me, chaps! But would you rapscallions be kind enough to set me free? Eduardo: No way! We're gonna ransom you off and make thousands! Marco: Si, muchos pesos! Eduardo: Seriously, what's wrong with you? Keep an eye on our price, Juan! (Juan looks over from a staring contest with a horse.) Juan: What's it like being a prince? Prince Matthew: Oh, it's marvelous! Ladies love a prince. Juan: I like ladies! I wished they liked me... (Prince Matthew notices the keys hanging on Juan's jeans. He thinks of an idea to steal them.) Prince Matthew: Hey! I'll teach you how to be a prince! Juan: Really?! Prince Matthew: Indubitably. (The scene cuts back to Edward and Sheriff Thompson.)

WHY WONT IT COPY ANYMORW