I often wonder if other people feel like that it just seems like everyone is so vigorously alive

If you relate to the very act of living being a tiresome chore which slowly eats away at your will to continue existing drop a like on this post

How do you keep rolling along day after day. Maybe one day you'll have a nice car or a nice house or take a nice vacation but can you really enjoy any of it

It's remarkable to me

I wonder what it's like to wake up energized and ready to face the new day with stalwart determination and effort

Does anybody really feel like that

I do quite like the mathematics publishing a paper which is useful for all time makes it feel a bit more worthwhile but it's just so exhausting

I didn't realize until now how much him talking to me made it a little more tolerable now he's with his family and **** I wanna fly down to Las Vegas and take him back

If you ever bother to read this sorry that I don't talk enough sometimes I'm so tired that just typing anything out takes effort I wish I could explain how much any human contact drains me but also how much it means to me that you talk to me

I feel like you're right that I'll never perform the way that you want in this relationship I'm such a childish ***** and I certainly have no idea how to conduct myself in a relationship and I feel more confused about how to do that right than I was a year sgo

Sorry this is unrelated to my previous rant

I feel like I just need to regular myself more strictly I'm such a lazy piece of shit I don't even know what I'm being lazy about but I certainly ****ing am I feel like my mind is a goddamn butterfly bashing about in my skull

I don't really wanna do that though I just wanna do math and bike through random countries and write shitty philosophical novels

Damn I mean I know that "antidepressants make you a zombie" but hell I'd rather be a zombie than this

Who knows if it would even work though might just be my shockingly negative thought processes rather than anything treatable by drugs

If I could turn my brain off and trick it into being happy for the next 6 years until my education is done then that would be pretty great honestly

Probably idle fantasy though

I feel like there are too many pretty things to see to justify putting a bullet through my head

I just need the money and the time

Lord knows how long that will take

Im so lucky hes so pretty

I don't know how I ended up in this relationship but I'm so so lucky to be here

He should have dumped me long ago but he's here I don't know where I would be without him

God why am I here I can't make him happy I can't make myself happy **** **** ****