this is ****ing oiuygwedshbikchkushd i can't stand this, i can't do this. i'm so sick of living here i'm so sick of existing, on god i want to die so god damn bad. i keep saying how cool they are, how unstrict they are i keep lying to myself anf eveyone else but in the end i'm fvcking wrong. i wishi wasn't such a b!tch i wish i didn't takr their shit this isn't fair. they act like i'm worth nothung, maybe i am idk i feel so unwatned so hated, this sin't evn fair, i don't even have long on here fr, god dammit i hate myself so muhc i'm so dumb and stupid ai can never do shit right my head hurts, my arm hurts now, i can't fvcking take this. i need to talk to my firends, i want to call them, tell them i need them, tell them i miss them. but i know deep down i'm unwanted there too, deep dow they all hate me. and i don't even know why. online friends, irl friends, i know they secretly think i'm weird and deadass hate me. i wish i wassomeone else, i really hate who i am

i wish i was someone else, i wish i was pretty and smart liek my parents keep telling me i should be. how come very other god damn person is and i'm not!?!? it just makes me hate who i am more and it's just not fair, i never have motivation to try and i'm fvcking bashed into the ground for it, it hurts. everything god dammit if i had the chance i'd literally shoot myself on the spot. if i wasn't a fat @ss i'd hang myself on the ceiling fan. but now i'll resort to scrapping, it's better than cutting, it isn't s messy and i won't have to worryy about scars and stuff, at leatst i don't think. it's whatever nvm uhm, if you read this thank you? if your my friend and reading this or online sib, just know, that it's okay. it's okay to not like me, hate me, think i'm weird and stupid, want me dead or to leave you alone, just tell me.

it hurts more because i know not all of them do, just the people i hold to a weird level, idk how to describe it, like hen their online, i need to do everything for them. it feels wrong, but in the moment it makes me happy and idk... like i don't feel this way about red or bri or evy or gus. they're only people i can really be comfy like that fr. like bri i know i can tell her @ss anything and she'll still care and respect me and love me as a friend. maybe it's just Aj and mika? i feel liek i lways have to impress them, like they'll never really..get me? i feel like...i can lose them at any second, mainly it's mika ngl. uh if you guys see this no hate it's just..idk what's worse is out of all of my friends it's just...them two who really make me feel like...deep down thy just don't like me. i feel liek i've tried so haard to be their friend, to try to fit in, to make them laugh, to make them feel okay and comfortable, but in the end it's for nothing.

uh, yeah thanks for reading i'm dowe being emo and sad and depressed. idkw aht to say uhm..i'm sorry? i feel like i out of all people shound't feel this way. this is just sad. idk what'f happenein to me, imight need to go in a second, uhm. if you were meantioned here, i'm really sorry, i don't mean to drag you into this, i just...really needed to get that off my chest. i need to relax...i'm sorry. anywyas yeah, ganna go listen to music and animate for that contest now again, i'm actually really sorry.

i know you think that bri. it's just really complicated, idk what i', feeling and how to stop feeling it, but thank you

i keep trying to tell myself that. but every part of me keeps telling me they don't really, that they genuinly don't like me, and just don't want to tell me. ioshudinkdfc but thank you bri, fr. you really are the best friend i could genuinly ask for.

love you too

this is great advice i should of thought of this fr!!