i just need to vent ignore this and if you want to comment don't comment bad things, we all have these kind of situations don't we?

first of all yesterday my little brother rested his head on my shoulder to sleep which makes me almost cry, almost burst into ****ing tears , why? well, because it's been months since someone touched me there, it makes me think, "do i miss him? or i just miss the feeling of the things he did to me?" and well, my friends used to hug me a lot, everyday, and well, i hugged them back, i really liked the feeling, after all my love language is physical touch, but i ruined my friendship with them, i miss them, so since i did that, i haven't gotten a hug or even a pat in my shoulder for months, Also, in school, a girl from my classroom touched my shoulder and then hugged me just because i helped her with a homework, and well, i almost started crying, it made me think that i really really needed physical touch. and my family HATES physical touch. and I'm trying to make new friends at school, but when school almost ends is difficult, y'know? ugh.

help spelling mistakes 💀

second, my grades. they're getting worse and worse, i can ****ing focus on school, I'm too lazy to do that, sometimes i just arrive to my home and i fall asleep the entire afternoon without eating and doing homework. i am so ****ing lazy that In the mornings I don't prepare my lunch for school so at recess I prefer to draw and not eat (my mom doesn't prepare my lunch since 5th grade) and well, guess what not eating did to my ****ing body?? my mom things i have ****ing leukemia because I have constant nose bleeds, bruises appear on my body without hitting and other shit but if she's so scared then why doesn't she take me to do a blood test if she's so scared why doesn't she do that?? i am so ****ing lazy and i don't care about my grades anymore, after having a streak of being the best student in English class, my grades dropped HORRIBLY, from having a 10 (the highest grade in Mexico) DOWN TO HAVING A ****ING 6 (failing grade in Mexico). i will fail this school year.

third, of all, MY ROOM yes, my room is a mess, i haven't cleaned it for months, my bed is full of garbage and everything is dirty, I'm too damn lazy to clean it, The other day I wanted to clean it but when I saw that I had so many things to clean, I gave up. and my parents know about that, but the only thing they say is that I need to clean it and that's it. But I just can't find the energy to do it, what do you want me to do?? what do you expect from me??? My teachers think that I'm just any lazy person, and that I'm stupid, and that I have a cell phone addiction. and maybe they're correct. but i can't stop it. i can't. i can't.

AND YES I HAVE "FRIENDS". BUT THEYRE NOT REAL. I KNOW THEY ARE NOT REAL FRIENDS. SO IM TRYING TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS AT SCHOOL.

I don't want to kill myself. I want to continue living, but not in this crap.

and still, I'm too lazy to do it.

thank you so much, really. :'D